


The world will be ours

by Darknessisafriend



Category: Gladiator (2000)
Genre: F/M, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:47:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 35,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21696412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darknessisafriend/pseuds/Darknessisafriend
Summary: You are the heir of a kindgom  conquered by Rome. To strenghen its bound to the Empire, the Emperor has made an offer your family can’t refuse… you will marry his son Commodus, but you are scared of him and he doesn’t want to marry you, but Rome is hostile to Commodus reign, what will be your role in this, will you learn to love each other?
Relationships: Emperor Commodus/ reader, Lucius Aelius Aurelius Commodus | Emperor Commodus/Original Character(s)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 119





	1. Chapter1

You were the only child of a very powerful warlord in the Kingdom of Gallia, now under the Authority of Rome. It didn’t bother you, your family still had a certain rank within the roman society, and they brought so many things like the beautiful architecture, better trade and stability. Everyone was united under Rome, no more battle for a herd of cows or any other small offenses; of course some were opposed to Rome in your clan but not you. You smiled to yourself, to make it clear your life was perfect, you were safe and happy with your parents, you didn’t need anything else. But the peace didn’t last, those who disapproved of Rome created rebellions, bringing roman legions to your doors, until that day…

“Father? You wanted to see me?” you asked him curious as to why he wanted to see you so late in the night. You frowned as you saw him pacing in the room, pacing a trembling hand through his hair, you mother was there too, what was she doing here? As he saw you, your father approached you, taking your hand in his, your mother came standing next to him, putting her hand on your forearm, no this wasn’t a good sign.

“My darling daughter…you are my greatest pride and I would do anything in my power to protect you…” you grew worried, this wasn’t like him to start a sentence like this, what happened?

“The rebellions are making the Emperor upset, he doesn’t want it to grow into a war with our kingdom…I received an envoy from Rome…we have to strengthen our friendship with the Empire.” He paused letting you process what he had just implied, you looked at him in the eyes, then at your mother, no it couldn’t be…

“You gave me to him!?” you exclaimed, fear gaining your whole body, he wasn’t a bad emperor, he had a good reputation, but he was old, and you didn’t know him, you didn’t love him or anything of the sort.

“Not to him my daughter, to his son Lucius Aurelius Commodus.” Your mother added, a compassionate expression on her face. You looked around feeling betrayed by your own family, the son was probably a worse decision.

“Please father no…”

“We have to, we have to maintain peace and good relationship with Rome.”

“I thought you cared about me…Commodus isn’t wise, you know it! Father, please I’m begging you don’t do this, he will kill me the second I displease him!” you whimpered tears running down your face, but your father didn’t let go, keeping his face emotionless.

“Then make sure to please him in everyway possible. The matter has already been taken care of. You will be leaving at the end of next week, the Emperor is in a battle a bit farther in the north, when it’s done, Commodus and Lucilla his sister will join him, and you’ll be sent there. It is a great honor for our family.” He spoke trying to prevent his voice from trembling with sadness, but you didn’t care about how he felt, he had sold you without asking you first, and now you had no choice but obey, the future of the kingdom and lives within it were in your hands now.

You clenched your jaw and fled to your bedroom, locking it so nobody would follow you there. You collapsed on your bed, burying your face in your pillow, muffling the sound of your cries.

The following week you barely got out of your quarters, barely eating or even sleeping, simply waiting for this day to come and get this over with. Suddenly you heard a knock on your door, and someone entering, your turned to see who had entered without your permission. It was your mother, she looked tired, slowly she approached you and sat on the bed, resting her hand on your leg, you didn’t say anything, there was nothing to say.

“The emperor is dead.” She announced, shock was a poor word to describe your surprise, you finally met her eyes.

“So…what is going to happen to me?” you asked, faintly hoping that the marriage would be forgotten.

“Commodus is now Emperor, he will need his wife to support him in his new responsibility…you will be meeting him tomorrow and he will bring you back to Rome with him for a proper ceremony.” She explained to you softly. So you were going to be the wife of an Emperor now, it was indeed a great privilege, you hoped you’d be up to the task, if he doesn’t kill you first…

You didn’t sleep this night, thinking about meeting him, what does he look like? is he as ruthless as people say? Or worse? Was he going to like you? As the sun started to appear, supervised by your mother, slaves came to help you dress up for the meeting. Your hair were slightly tied up with a tiara, two long strands of hair loose on the sides of your face. You were wearing a white silk stola, perfectly outlining the curves of your body. Your mother smiled, her eyes wet, she cupped your face.

“You are so beautiful my daughter, you are so brave…” tears prickled in your eyes at her words, you hugged her tight.

“You’ll see, I heard Rome is a wonderful place, and I’m sure that the Emperor will treat you well when he’ll see your beauty and kind heart.” She added fondly, kissing your forehead one last time.

You went alone in the carriage, your father on a horse, leading the cortege. A few hours later the horses slowed down, you could hear a lot of noises outside, men talking, horses braying, tools and swords slamming. You were nervous, scared even; you were going to meet him very soon. A legionnaire came to open to you, you got out to see a group of people coming in your direction, you looked at your father for comfort, he gave you an encouraging smile, you took a deep breath and focused your eyes on the people coming to you, there was woman, very well dressed, she was gorgeous, you felt a bit of relief to see a woman, you felt small among all these men and maybe she’ll understand how you feel. Your eyes drifted to the man next her, he had jet black hair, and green eyes so clear and intense, you felt intimidated by his presence and even more when you looked at his clothes and realized he was Commodus, the new Emperor.

You quickly bowed your head in respect, not meeting his eyes. You saw him stop at arm’s length from you. Still it felt like his closeness was burning you.

“Lucius Aurelius Commodus, Emperor of the Roman Empire, I am honored by your presence.” You spoke your voice lower than you wanted to.

“Y/N daughter of Quincus warlord and hero of Gallia kingdom. I am pleased to meet you.” He spoke in a calm yet authoritative tone as he extended his hand for you to kiss his ring; you softly took his hand, the contact with his skin sending shivers down your spine, your lips coming into contact with the cold metal of his ring.

“You can look at me Y/N” he added his voice amused, you were so nervous that you hadn’t met his eyes and when you did you felt your heart stop, he had so much charisma simply by the way he was standing and looking at you, he didn’t smile though, you hoped it wasn’t because of you.

“Now brother, I think my future sister-in-law needs to rest before our departure tomorrow.” The woman voice said kindly, feeling your distress.

“This my dear sister Lucilla.” Commodus explained, looking at her lovingly, his face relaxing at her view. She smiled at you sweetly and took you by the arm to bring you to your tent.

“Do not worry, my brother can be intimidating but he is a loving man you’ll see.”

“Oh good, he doesn’t look really happy to marry me…” you muttered, uncomfortable at the whole situation.

“It was a surprise for him as well, my dear father told him a few days ago, he wasn’t expecting to have a bride chosen by father…but I’m sure he will come to appreciate you, you seem like a lovely woman to me.” She added nicely, squeezing your hand in reassurance. A small smile formed on your lips, you were glad she was here, you were sure she would become a friend of yours soon and her words on Commodus were reassuring.

That night you had dinner with her, your future husband didn’t join, he had a lot to do as a result of his new status. This gave you time to get to know Lucilla better and you got along with her very well, she told you about her dead husband, her son Lucius; her presence made you almost forget about your family, it was nice to meet a woman like her. After a bit you went back to your tent, tomorrow you will be leaving early to Rome. You took a little walk around the camp, you were getting closer to your tent now, but you suddenly stopped when you recognized the voice of Commodus, he was talking with Lucilla, about you.

“I can’t marry her Lucilla!” he argued.

“Brother, it is the will of our father and the senate, you need someone to take care of you…”

“But why can’t it be you then?” he complained, his voice almost childish.

“Because I am your sister and I can’t take care of you the way a wife would. Besides she will be good to you, I know it…”

“How? She doesn’t know me and is probably not interest to.” He grumbled

“Don’t be so sure brother, her cheeks blushes at the sound of your name and at your sight…She is one of the most kind-hearted women I have met, she’s selfless and that what’s Rome expects from the wife of the Emperor.” You heard Commodus sight in defeat, you pinched your lips together hurt by his words.

“We’ll see about that my dear sister…” he replied, his voice tired. You had heard enough, you felt like a disappointment, you were so worthless that you didn’t manage to capture his interest. You quietly entered your tent, upset that he didn’t see you the way his sister does. You had naively started to hope he would maybe fall in love with you at first sight, he was a beautiful man and when he interacted with his sister, he just looked so caring… maybe it will change… you suddenly felt tired and the moment you landed on your mattress you fell asleep, emotionally exhausted.

The morning after, you left when the sun started to appear, you climbed in the same carriage as Lucilla and Commodus. The space feeling even smaller as he sat next to you, of course he was going out on his horse from time to time, but when he was there you didn’t know what to do or say, and he wasn’t trying either. You didn’t know if he didn’t want to talk to you or if he was being shy, but it took him a few days to talk to you informally.

Lucilla had fallen asleep, you were reading poetry under the candlelight. As for Commodus he was drinking wine, he looked deep in his thoughts. You had gotten used to his presence, his silence, it was almost comforting now.

“What are you reading?” he asked softly, you blinked a few times not sure you had heard him talk, you turned your head to look at him, and he was looking at you expectantly, your heart fluttered, happy to be noticed by your future husband.

“Quintus Ennius, the Annals.” You answered shyly, he raised an eyebrow.

“Poems of adventures, heroes and battles…I was expecting someone of your rank to read love poems…” you lowered your eyes, you had disappointed him.

“It’s interesting…did you advise your father in his decisions?” he asked, your head shot up, he was actually interested in hearing more, he had been surprised not disappointed.

“Yes, my mother is doing it too, but my father used to say I had a lot more perspicacity in politics and…I think it’s thrilling, trying to find who is to be your enemy, what will be their next move? Who is to be your ally? How to get people to join your side by other means than violence…” you explained a bit too excited, so you stopped talking waiting to see how he would respond to this. He was still looking at you, he released a smile, one of those he only had for his sister. 

“It is good, I’ve always been a man of action unlike my father…he was studying so much that he often forgot the people. But I won’t, they will see change, and the Roman Empire will be more glorious than ever before.” He declared, his eyes full of passion, you could see he intended on keeping his word, it was truly fascinating, and you were curious of what you will bring to his reign.

You weren’t sure if you had the right to express your views to him, but you felt like he was open to such discussion.

“The empire needs stability more than ever, it will bring peace and economic prosperity, it has been too changing…the senate is unstable, taking one decision and then cancelling it with the changes of senators…” His eyes met yours, surprised, he shifted closer to you.

“Exactly! I want to restore full power to the Emperor, no need for debate or waiting, the people will get what they need, I will bring it to them on a silver plate!” he whispered to you, as if no one should hear it but you, you could tell he was excited to be back in Rome, he wanted to be the best Emperor that has ever walk in this mortal world.

That night, the two of you talked for a long time, you were happy that he had the same political vision as you. With time you grew closer to him, of course not as a lover yet but as a friend, after all it will take 4 weeks to reach Rome, so it left time to talk. Lucilla could feel the change in his attitude towards you, and she was glad, maybe you were what his brother had always needed.

He would offer you wine, spontaneously smile at your sight, he was simply more open to your presence, maybe he started to think of offering his friendship to you. You spent countless nights talking with him, whispering not to awake Lucilla, and you had to admit you were starting to fall for him.

“I feel like I could trust you Y/N…I hope I can.” He had confessed to you one night, you had ignored the silent threat in the last part because he could trust you.

“You can Commodus, I am to be your wife and you my husband, but you are also my Emperor and I would never betray my Emperor…and my friend if one day you honor me with such title.” You answered truthfully, resisting the urge to take his hand to reinforce your words. These words seemed to strike him, he didn’t reply, probably still vigilant, and you didn’t hold it against him, already glad about the progress your relationship had made the past weeks.

You fell asleep not long after this talk, unfortunately you were not conscious to witness him slowly getting up and gently putting a cover on your body so you wouldn’t get cold. He watched you sleep for a few minutes, confused by how he was growing attached to you, it had only been Lucilla before…but not anymore. He lifted his hand and softly brushed the back of his index against your cheek. 

Getting full control of the Empire will be hard and probably deadly, you were not his priority at the moment, but it would be nice to have someone he could trust, love and be loved in return. You will have to prove it to him, prove you’re worthy of him and if not, the blade will fall upon you.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finally arrive in Rome, but Commodus behavior changes, each days passing makes it more painful for you to be around him, will he realize his mistakes or make your life a leaving hell?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey thank you so much for reading! The story will follow the events of the movie but there will be some little changes to fit with the story and I will laso try to make it more historically accurate, especially about Commodus Reign

The rest of travel went well, Commodus was no longer ignoring you, and you enjoyed both his company and Lucilla´s. For now he had been the opposite of the stories you had heard about him. Still he didn´t really get closer to you, at least you didn´t notice it, he was much closer and affectionate to Lucilla, after all she was his sister; maybe he will change his attitude towards you when the wedding will be celebrated.

When you finally reached Rome, you were astonished by its beauty; the architecture was unlike anything you had ever seen. Commodus noticed your wonder and smiled proudly.

“Have you ever seen such beauty? It is worthy of gods…” he commented with marvel in his eyes, and he was right. The both of you stayed silent for a moment, enjoying the view, until he spoke again.

“I have something for you…” curious you turned your head to look at him, you hadn´t noticed the little box he was holding in his hands. He opened it to reveal a golden ring; it was finely sculpted and had the embroidery of the Empire embedded in it. Astonished you looked up at him, his eyes were still on the ring, he took it out of the box and extended his hand to you, so you could rest your left hand in his, his skin was warm and softer than you had imagined.

“It is a gift; I offer you this ring as a thank you for giving me the honor to become your husband and as a token of my duties to you.” He pronounced solemnly as he slides the ring on your third finger. Even if you knew it was the tradition to give such object to the future bride it still made your head spin, it was so romantic of him.

“Thank you.” You answered sincerely with a bright smile, if it wasn´t improper you would have given him a kiss, for now you contented yourself with a light caress on his palm, he slightly bowed his head in response, a small smile playing on his lips.

Right before entering the city, Commodus and Lucilla went onto the imperial carriage. You went in another which would follow them; after all you were not officially his wife yet. As the cortege went through the city, you had to force your mouth shut, you had never seen such crowd gathered, it was like in a dream, petals of flowers were thrown, people were cheering, it was a wonderful sight, you couldn´t help but feel pride at being part of this cortege, you knew you were going to enjoy such position in Rome.

Of course, your enjoyment got a bit slowed down when you heard some angry shouting headed to the new Emperor, you frowned. You were perfectly aware of Commodus reputation but you never thought Roman citizens would be this hostile to him, didn´t they know the danger they exposed themselves to?

The carriage finally arrived in front of the imperial palace. You noticed a group on men in white togas, the Senate; they were greeting the new Emperor, and were probably eager to inform him of important matters requiring his attention. You followed as he got off the carriage, a young boy ran down the stairs, and threw his arms around Lucilla, it was his son Lucius then, you smiled touched by this scene. You directed your gaze to Commodus; he walked to the senators, so you closely followed him. Other children were there, giving him flowers, which he then handed to you with a polite smile.

After greeting him, one of the Senators, Gracchus, looked at you.

“Y/N our future Empress I believe. I am pleased to announce that this union was approved by the gods” He spoke respectfully, Commodus nodded although he seemed uneasy, but before you could think more about it, you were introduced to other senators like Falco for example.

Unfortunately, you didn´t have time to rest, Commodus had to attend his first session with the Senate. You sat next to Lucilla, observing the session; it was your first time seeing the Roman political process. Gracchus started, Commodus was playing distractively with his sword as if he was bored or ready to fight any one who dared to oppose him, and this idea sent shivers down your spine.

“…to combat the plague which is already springing up there. So if Caesar…” Commodus lifted his hand to make Gracchus go quiet, he got up.

“Don’t you see Gracchus? That’s the very problem isn’t it? My father spent all his time at study. At books and learning and philosophy, he spent his twilight hours reading scrolls from the Senate. And all the while the people were forgotten…” he pointed out. He was right, even where you are from; it was taking ages to have decisions from Rome and in the meantime problems worsened.

“But the Senate is the People, sire. Chosen from among the people, to speak for the people.” Argued Gracchus.

“I doubt that many of the people eat as well as you do Gracchus, or have such splendid mistresses, Gaius; I think I understand my own people.”

“Then, perhaps Caesar will be so good as to teach us…out of his own extensive experience” replied Gracchus sarcastic, and the senators started laughing. You couldn’t believe it, he may be the new emperor but he should be considered as such and yet they dared to mock him openly.

“I call it love…I am their father. The people are my children. And I shall hold them to my bosom and embrace them tightly…” he looked lost in his thoughts, his dreams of a great empire where everyone is happy under is benevolent reign.

“Have you ever held someone dying of the plague, sire?” the senator raised his voice, like he was losing patience. Commodus slowly turned, his patience diminishing fast too.

“No but if you interrupt me again…I assure you that you shall” he threatened with a dangerous smile, if it was the only way for him to be respected by Gracchus then so be it. The senator lowered his head in submission, good… but suddenly Lucilla got up and spoke.

“Senator, my brother is very tired. Leave your list with me” She asked as Commodus left. You didn’t really understand why she had intervened; her brother had to be respected.

You decided to follow your future husband, and as you left, you heard Gracchus say “My lady, as always your lightest touch commands obedience.” You definitely didn’t trust this senator; he was too confident and condescending for your taste.

Meanwhile Commodus was pacing in his study, irritated, his breathing was fast, he didn´t expect to be treated this way.

“Who are they to lecture me?” he fumed, you felt bad for him, they won´t let him prove his worthiness. You approached him gently.

“Commodus don’t…” you started wanting to soothe him, but he cut you off irritably.

“Not now Y/N.” you lowered your eyes, maybe he needed some time alone to think, you had simply wanted to tell him that he shouldn’t be upset with their pitiful behavior. You took a few steps back, to give him some space.

“Commodus the Senate has its uses.” Spoke Lucilla forcefully has she came in. And to your surprise he didn´t cut her off or anything…so he just didn´t want to hear you then? You swallowed down at this idea but you kept hope that this was just a coincidence, nothing against you…

“What uses? All they do is talk. It should be just…you and me and Rome.” He argued; Lucilla quickly glanced at you; you really felt out of place, what he had just said hurt your feelings. He was so soft with her and tolerated everything she said, even if it was against him. You truly didn´t understand why he was behaving this way with you, especially after the few gentle moments you had shared with him.

“Don’t even think it! There’s always been a Senate” he angrily put his crown on the table. You stayed at your place when he walked to his throne with Lucilla. They were having a heated and passionate discussion about the greatness of Rome. You would have gladly participated in such debate, but the way they were talking, it was like they had forgotten the world around them; and to be honest you didn’t want to be subject to his frustration, again.

“I will give the people the greatest visions of their lives.” He said as he kissed her hand fondly, closing his eyes while doing so. You clenched you jaw, you wished it had been you, you lowered your eyes once again, then left to go to your quarters, they probably didn’t even notice you’d left anyway…

You spent the rest of the day by yourself in your quarters, upset by his sudden change of behavior. As you were about to go to sleep, Lucilla came to visit you, you gave her a small smile, you could tell by her face that she knew exactly why you were upset. She sat next to you on the bed, and took your hand. You spoke first, letting out your frustration.

“None of us have the choice but marry each other, but that doesn´t mean we have to hate each other; I believed we could at least be friends… “

“He doesn´t hate you Y/N…”

“I just wanted to help him…he didn´t even let me speak…” you lamented, looking at the marble floor.

“It wasn´t against you personally, he will change, once the marriage celebrated, he will see your true value.”

“It was going so well before we arrived…I thought…what´s changed?” you asked, deeply upset and confused. She sighed, gently stroking your hand.

“He just has a lot in his mind right now…and he only ever had me before, he doesn´t know whatever he should or could trust you just as he trusts me, but I assure you with time he will trust your judgment” she finished. You wanted to believe her, you hope she was right…

Three days passed, Commodus was very busy, you barely saw him, most of the time, you would hear his voice from afar, see his shadow quickly passing in a corridor, and even when he was standing right next to you, he barely acknowledged you. Even if you had Lucilla to talk with, and sometimes Lucius, you felt incredibly alone, you were starting to miss your home and if continued like this, you didn’t know how much time you could keep going. Especially that your feelings for him were growing stronger every day…even with his current behavior.

As the night came, you aimlessly wandered in the corridors, until you passed in front of the Emperor’s quarters, you heard Lucilla’s voice.

“Commodus drink this tonic.” Silently, you hid behind a column to observe him. He drank what she gave him and made a face at the taste of the elixir. Lucilla had told you earlier that he was having insomnia for the past days, probably due to his dreams for his Empire.

“I think the time is almost right. I could announce the dissolution of the Senate…at the celebration to honor our father. You think I should? Are the people ready?” he asked her, restless, bags under his eyes starting to be visible.

“I think you need your rest now.” You understood is eagerness, but you agreed with Lucilla for once, exhaustion won’t help him, and it was best to wait some more time before dissolving the Senate, time where the people will love him even more.

“Will you stay with me?” he requested, his voice almost pleading, desperate.

“Still afraid of the dark, brother?” she replies soften by his sudden childlike attitude. You wish you could hold him, and bring him to bed, caress his hair while he falls asleep.

“Still…always…stay with me tonight?”

“You know I won’t.” She refuses, her tone without appeal.

“Then kiss me…” you gasp silently at the scene, this wasn’t the feeling a brother should have for his sister. Instead, Lucilla kissed his forehead as she should, which briefly relieved you, “sleep brother.” And then she started to leave in your direction. She can´t see you, so as silently as possible you walked back to your quarters, your eyes were wet, if he was in love with Lucilla then there was no way for you to compete and make him fall for you.

As you thought you had smoothly escaped without being noticed, you heard Lucilla’s voice whispering behind you.

“Y/N?” you quickly turned your head to her, then resumed your walk to your bedroom, unfortunately she followed you. You passed a hand through your hair, you didn’t want to talk, you didn’t want to see anyone, you just wanted to be forgotten. 

“Did you see?” you nodded, tears starting to run down your cheeks, you avoided her gaze.

“I´m sorry Y/N…” you laughed ironically at her apology. 

“Y/N don´t pay attention to this, it´s…”

“It´s what? Nothing? He has no desire for me to be here; clearly he was simply being courteous with me before, I was foolish enough to believe he was developing feelings for me. I wouldn´t be surprised if he gets me killed in the coming days…”

“Stop speaking this nonsense Y/N!” she scolded, seizing your arms to shake you out of your trail of thoughts.

“He cares more about you than he dares to admit! Commodus is not being himself, he´s deeply affected by his opposition with the Senate…Rome is extremely deadly when it comes to politics; he is looking for comfort from the only person he has ever trusted, but he is looking for the wrong kind of comfort from me…he should be coming to you…”

“But he won´t…”

“He will. Y/N listen to me…I´m sorry, I should have scolded him when he disrespected you.”

“No need to apologize, what happened cannot be undone.” You replied, drying your tears with the back of your hands. Lucilla stayed by your side, talking with you, trying to soothe the hurt you felt, until you fell asleep, she covered your body with the thin sheet of the bed, and went to check on Lucius. She had to change things between the two of you, every day she felt her brother slip away from sanity, you were his only hope for stability and happiness.

The morning after you slept longer than usual, it’s not like it mattered anyway. Then you realized something… the wedding was supposed to happen tomorrow! Days had passed so quickly.

But to be honest, after what happened, you weren´t excited, you often had imagined what this day would be like, your family, a man who loved you. Now you family wasn´t there and you doubted Commodus felt anything for you. As you were dressed up you went to the library to read, but as you came out of your quarters, you collided into someone, hard, you gasped in surprise at the shock. You realized you had come face to face with the man you wanted to avoid, Commodus of course. 

“Good morning Y/N.” he greeted you politely with a courteous smile, no, you were not going to fall for his pretty words today.

“Caesar.” You replied coldly, using his official title. To your surprise, he quickly glanced at you, slightly taken aback; it was the first time you called him like this, you bowed your head and continued your walk to the library. Commodus eyes followed you, slightly troubled by your sudden coldness, he’ll have to talk to Lucilla about this.

You spent most of the morning reading, you were even joined by Lucius and enjoyed a philosophical conversion with him, he was clever for his age, probably thanks to his mother’s influence.

“You know Lucius, the most unfortunate people of the Empire, they are the most important, do you know why?”

“They are the one in the fields, the workforce of Rome.” He answered confidently.

“Not only, they are numerous, and they are the one with the most ferocious will if they are ignored, capable to bring an Empire to its fall…never forget them.” You advised him, smiling as he listened to you carefully. You didn’t notice Commodus leaning against one column, listening to your conversation. Lucius noticed first, you turned your head to see what he was looking at that. When you saw the Emperor, your smile faded.

“Lucius, why don’t you go see your mother.” Said Commodus, the question coming out as an order; the young boy left, leaving you alone with Commodus, who approached you.

“I offended you.” He stated, you slightly arched an eyebrow, curious about where this was going.

“How so?” you asked innocently, he chuckled and sat in front of you.

“Don’t play this with me Y/N, Lucilla told me I had been neglecting you too much.” You wanted to tell him how you felt but you didn’t want to risk ending up in a cell.

“You are the Emperor, you don’t have to justify yourself.”

“I know. You see she refused to spend time with me unless I spent some with you…I don’t really see an interest in it…” your blood was boiling, coming to apologize for offending you and yet he was doing it again “however she’s right. If you are to be my wife, I have to find pleasure in your company…”

“I thought you did when we were on our way to Rome.” He blinked a few times, and nodded, encouraging you to continue.

“It seemed to me we agreed on many things, including the future of Rome. And yet you prefer the company and advice of Lucilla who’s opposed to your vision for the Empire.” You truthfully explained, you saw his eyes become slightly threatening at the way you mentioned his sister. “I am not insinuating anything Commodus, I am merely stating facts, ask Falco if you don’t believe me.” You added with confidence.

“Care to play Latroncules?” he offered changing of subject, setting the boardgame on the table between the two of you. You nodded, if it could enable you to talk at open hearts it was a good opportunity. He started to play moving the first piece, then it was your turn. 

“How do you feel here? At the Palace…” he asked, thinking about his next move in the game.

“It is very nice, beautiful, I’ve never seen such fine artwork. I enjoy spending my time here” you said, looking at all the parchments in the room “Although I would enjoy more company.” He didn’t say anything, he simply listened to you while playing.

“How about you? Are you holding on?” you had to ask, softly, caring, it was hard for you to hide your feelings for him. He stopped playing, and looked at you in the eyes, you could tell he was surprised by your question, he didn’t expect you to care, once again. He sighed and looked to the side.

“It is harder than I expected. The roots of the Senate are buried deep…there are so many things I want to accomplish but this…it’s preventing me from executing my vision…”

“You feel exhausted, am I right?” he didn’t answer, avoiding your gaze, he didn’t want to show is vulnerability, yet it was so visible to you, his mind was getting tired, he couldn’t handle the whole Empire on his shoulders, he needed support and you will give it to him, no matter what.

The game continued for a while, you talked about many different things, from moments to moments it felt like the time in the carriage. Finally you won the game.

“Well played Y/N” he admitted, a small smile on his lips, he bowed his head respectfully. He got up, he had to get back to his duties. As he was about to leave the room, he stopped and slightly turned his head in your direction.

“I did enjoy your company…I have yet to decide if you deserve my trust.” He confessed in a low voice. Hope swelled in your chest, he did like you and you were going to do your best to earn his trust.

That day you went early to bed, the preparation for the wedding would start early tomorrow, you had to accomplish various religious rites with Vestals before the ceremony. Despite a bit of nervousness, your sleep was better, filled with dreams about your future with Commodus.

You were woken up at dawn, and after accomplishing the religious rites needed, an old woman came to dress you. You wore a long white robe; your hair were tied into six locks as according to the tradition, then the woman added flowers into them. Finally, a veil came to cover your face, and you wore golden sandals. You looked at yourself in the mirror, your mother would have been so pleased by your appearance; your fingers touched the fabric of the dress, it was made of silk, something you never wore before, it was such a beautiful piece, very soft to the touch.

The old woman came to tie the knot of Hercules around your waist, you had heard about it, only the husband could untie this knot, on the night of the marriage. You grew nervous at the idea of this; it was going to happen tonight, you wondered how it was exactly, was it as enjoyable as people said? Was Commodus going to be gentle with you or take you by force as some men did? It’s was a bit scary, so many things you didn’t know…

You were brought to the ceremony at the beginning of the afternoon. A lot of people were there, some senators, nobles. Your eyes landed on Commodus, he was waiting in front of the altar where the priest was. He turned as you arrived; you were struck by his beauty, he was dressed completely in white, being a perfect contrast with his golden crown and his dark hair. His eyes never leaved you once, they were soft, awestruck. You didn’t know that in his mind, it was like he was seeing you for the first time, like he only seeing your beauty just now. You looked so pure, like a goddess giving herself to the Emperor to thank him for his work on Earth. He swallowed down and refocused his attention on the priest. However his confusion didn’t go unnoticed to Lucilla, she smiled soften by his brother’s emotions.

The both of you stood before the priest as he spoke about the duties of the husband and of the wife, protection, fidelity, etc. Then, came the time for you to pronounce your vows. You turned to look a Commodus, you hoped your eyes showed your sincerity.

“Ubi tu Gaius, ego Gaia.” You pronounced, which meant ‘Where you are Gaius, I am Gaia’, this sentence symbolizing the strong bond that was being established. Now it was Commodus turn, he was trying keep his face emotionless, but his voice was slightly shaking, his eyes filled with emotion, as if a marriage was for him a bigger deal than you thought.

“Ubi tu Gaia, ego Gaius” he spoke, meaning ‘Where you are Gaia, I am Gaius.’ He sounded so sincere, it seemed the night had got him thinking about is attitude towards you.

The Pronuba, the priest took your hands and those of Commodus, to join them together. Your heart skipped a beat, you had touched his hands before but now it felt so different, attractive, intimate. You wondered if Commodus felt the same thing.

The both of you turned to the altar where the Pronuba made an offering to Jupiter, it was a small cake especially made for the occasion. Then, he took half of it which he separated in two smaller pieces and handed one to each of you to eat, it was meant to protect your marriage.

As the ceremony was finished, Commodus stayed by your side, you received many congratulations from those present including Lucilla, she seemed relieved that her brother was finally having a wife. Then the time came to officially introduce to the people as the Empress of Rome. Commodus lightly took your hand, giving an encouraging smile and the both of you walked to the balcony of the palace, so that the People could see you. They were cheering outside, and there was a lot more citizens than you had expected. Commodus is smiling at the crowd, so you do the same and those closer enough to see your face cheered louder at your smile, warming your heart. Your husband leaned closer to your ear “they love you.” He told you, satisfaction filling his voice. This day wasn’t so bad after all you thought.

After this, a giant feast was organized, there so many different and delicious foods coming from every corner of the Empire that you didn’t know which one to eat first. Commodus was sitting next you of course, looking at his guest, you saw him wave at a servant and speak to him, you didn’t manage to hear what he said. The servant came back quickly and stood next to you with a wine bottle.

“Wine from the province of Gallia my lady.” Explained the man, it was wine from your home, he served it in your cup then Commodus’s. 

“I had it brought here especially for this day, well I asked for it the day I met you.” Proudly adds your husband, he really had wanted to please you and it did, it was like a part of your home was here with you now. You lifted your drink to him, and he did the same, you closed your eyes as the crimson liquid met your tongue, no wine could equal the one of Gallia.

Finally as the celebration came to an end, you and Commodus were escorted to the private area of the palace which in itself was a smaller palace in the imperial palace. You knew what was supposed to happen next, even though you had grown attracted to Commodus you couldn´t help but feel nervous, of course you had never had such intimacy and you hoped your husband would be gentle with you.

The two of you walked side by side in silence, until you arrived in the bedroom which was adorned with flowers, he stopped and turned to face you, he looked nervous having a hard time to meet your eyes. His hands slowly untied the knot around your waist, he carelessly tossed it on the floor, then softly his finger came up to cup your cheeks, you blushed at the contact, suddenly very aware that he was touching your face, it felt electric. He was looking at you intensely; his mouth slightly agape as if he was thinking on how to proceed next and your heart was racing.

“Go to sleep Y/N…I have to work on urgent matters.” His voice comes as a murmur as his hands left your face; his eyes grew emotionless once again. And he just left, leaving you alone in the room; you don´t how much time you stood like this, still processing what he had just said, it wasn´t supposed to go this way…


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so excited to share this one with you!!! Also I recommend to listen to Gladiator soundtracks while reading it, it gets much more immersive ;)

That night you cried, it wasn´t tears of sadness, no, you felt deeply insulted, during the travel to Rome you thought you had started to have something with him, and since you arrived he had been nothing but cold with you, barely paying attention to your presence actually; and yesterday he had been nice and courteous to you, you had vaguely hoped he was coming back to his senses…but now he was even denying you his duty as a husband?!

Were you so repulsive and unworthy of interest?! Anger rose in your chest, what did you have to do for him to fully trust you!? You tried to think about ideas, you thought about Lucilla’s behavior with him, she was confident, not afraid to speak her mind even to the Emperor…yes, that’s it! You had always been afraid of him, submitted, of what he could do to you, he wanted, he needed someone strong by his side, someone ferociously supporting his vision.

How come you never realized it before? Your mind was made, you will show him how good you were, how you could be a good counselor and become vital to his reign.

The next morning you woke up early, he hadn’t joined you during the night. You were decided to frankly speak to him, you found him in his study, surrounded by two scribes, he was signing some manuscripts. When he heard steps coming, he quickly turned his head, but when he realized it was you, he went back to work like you weren’t here. 

“Commodus!” you called him with strength as you went to stand in front of his desk “Leave us.” You ordered to the scribe present, they bowed and left. Commodus looked at them living, almost scared to be alone with you, he looks embarrassed, he sighs and let down his quill, he is avoiding your gaze, he knows your intention and he doesn’t want to talk about it.

“Last night, did you actually have such important task that you could not spend your wedding night with your wife? Or is it because you didn’t want me?” you let out angrily; at these words, he flinches, passes a trembling hand on his eyes, he has bags under them, he didn’t sleep the whole night.

“Y/N please…” he pleads, worn out, your anger instantly faded when you realized he looked much more affected than you thought, you came to kneel at his feet, taking his hand in yours, kissing his knuckles fondly, he had no choice but to look at you now.

“Commodus speak to me!” you begged, you wanted to be there for him “how can I ever help you, how can you ever trust me if you don’t stop pushing me out?” you stressed more softly this time. Just like last night his emotionless mask starts to break, he looked lost, emotionally conflicted.

“I don’t know what came over me…I wanted to make this night work, I promise you Y/N…” he tries to explain “but I can’t stop thinking, what if you are just waiting for a moment where I am the most vulnerable to…to murder me and take the power with the Senate!” he adds this time his voice is angry, threatening, he is finally looking at you as if he was trying to see your true intentions with him. He’s already being gained by paranoia, at the beginning of his reign, it can’t be good…

“Commodus…remember the discussions we had, did I ever spoke in favor of the Senate? No. I could have easily sided with your sister and the Senate, but I never did because it’s not what I believe in! All I ever wanted since I met you was…make you fall in love with me because I believe we could be happy, and because I could bring you so much more than comfort and warmth; a safe space where you don’t need to fear for your life or your Empire.” You confessed to him, your eyes slightly wet with the emotion, you hoped he was seeing your sincerity. His eyebrows were joined together as he exhaled, he had been deeply touched by your confession, he wanted to believe you, to be loved by you.

“You have to let people in, create a circle of people who you trust, who will support you, otherwise what will happen? who will defend you if enemies are coming after you? Let me prove myself to you, let me earn your trust, let me be here for you!” you implored him, your eyes never leaving his. He stayed silent for a bit, he was deeply thinking, you could see his inner struggle.

“I want to Y/N…if you ever betray me…”

“I know very well Commodus. You have all the time you need, I’ll wait decades for you but please never push me out again…” his eyes were filled with a mix of threat and hope; he took your hand that was holding his and brought it to his lips, kissing your palm with gratitude but also as a way to seal your words.

“Excuse me, sire” interrupted an envoy of the Senate, breaking the moment you were sharing with your husband, you quickly got back up, Commodus also got out of his seat and gave you a long look, full of promises.

“I will see you in the afternoon, there are matters I wish for you and Lucilla to advise me on.” He declared, officially inviting you as an advisor, you retained a happy smile. After this he left, and for once it felt like he was truly going to give you a chance, and you won’t miss it.

The rest of the morning didn’t pass quickly enough, you were eager to participate in his decisions. And when the time came, it was complicated, apparently Commodus had had tense session with the Senate, he wanted to play his part in the history of the Empire, to be remembered.

“This doesn’t work!” he raged slamming his hands on the table making Lucilla jump with fear. You had stayed unphased during this outburst, focusing on finding an idea to help him.

“Commodus these are essential task you have to accomplish for the well-being of the people!” objected Lucilla, so he could only focus only on the requests of the Senate.

“No I’m just doing what the Senate is asking! It’s only helping them! Don’t you see Lucilla? I want to do better, to give something to the people!” he replied frustrated, and that’s when the idea popped in your mind.

“And what if you brought games to the arena?” you suggested, putting has much confidence as you could in your voice. Everyone froze at your comment, Lucilla looked at you surprised at your suggestion. Finally, Commodus turned to look at you, your heart missed a beat, you had taken a risk by speaking your mind and maybe you had angered him more.

However, his face didn´t show any signs of it for once, he crossed his arms, one hand coming to his chin, his fingers brushing his lips, he was considering what you had just said, you noticed his breathing slowing down.

“It would bring them entertainment, something they have never seen before…it would show their happiness is important to me…” he spoke, his eyes meeting yours for validation. His sister opened her mouth to express her disagreement but before she could speak a word, Commodus lifted his hand to silence her, and she did but her eyes were surprised, it was the first time you saw him preferring to hear you over his sister.

“And how would you process, dear wife?” his voice is soft, calmed and his eyes interested. You blushed, it was the first time he used such affectionate word.

“150 days of games, the best gladiators, replaying the most glorious battles of the Empire.” He nodded, thinking about what you had just said; a small smile appeared on his lips.

“Excellent idea, please come closer” he invited you to look at the different parchments of inquiries and plans, your heart was swollen with happiness as you approached to stand next to him, your shoulder brushing against his.

“Brother, wouldn´t be better to consult the Senate for such investment?” questioned Lucilla, frowning at this sudden decision.

“No, they don´t care about the people’s happiness…”

“But you can´t…”

“Enough Lucilla. I have taken a decision and as the Emperor you will respect it.” He replied on a harsher tone, briefly looking at her to show her he wasn´t joking.

You stayed by his side for several hours, whereas Lucilla had left much earlier, frustrated. As you talked with him, you commonly agreed on extending the arena, so more people could fit in to watch the games, it would show Rome was ready to invest a lot for its citizens.

Of course, after he had to leave you to attend other matters. But you were happy, it was some nice progress. You went to your quarters and looked at the city, you couldn´t help but smile, he was finally starting to see your worth and you hoped it will continue like this, there was so much you could bring to Rome and to him, deep down in your heart you hoped that he will love you one day… Deep in your thoughts and still smiling, you don´t know how much time you stayed there…and you didn´t hear either the footsteps coming behind you.

“I´m curious to know what makes you smile so much…” you were startled at the sound of his voice, you met his eyes before lowering them shyly, you were embarrassed he had caught you thinking about him.

“You actually…” you finally confessed, now you definitely sounded lovesick.

“Oh?”

“I enjoyed our time together today.” You added with satisfaction; he arched an eyebrow, a smile forming on his lips, pleased at your answer.

“Look at me Y/N” he spoke softly as his fingers delicately cupped your chin to make you look at him. It had been a while since he had looked at you this softly.

“I appreciate your advice, you have an astonishing clear-sightedness.” He complimented, you blushed, it was nice to be appreciated by him; his fingers moved from your chin to put a strand of your hair behind your ear, your heartbeat increased, was he going to finally kiss you? You couldn’t help but whish for it, you looked down at his lips in anticipation. However his smile faded as he let go of your face.

“I am getting irritated by my sister´s position about the Senate” you blinked a few times, okay, you weren´t expecting him to mention his sister in this moment you were sharing, and you resisted the need to roll your eyes at the mention of her name. You liked her but you felt a bit jealous of her closeness with your husband, you just wanted to be his wife, fully.

“I have heard she was closer to your father than you were…that might explain why she thinks this way…” you carefully suggested. Briefly, pain flashed across his features, a worried frown on his face.

“I am the Emperor and she is my sister, she should be supporting me, fully…”

“And if she doesn’t, I´m here Commodus, know that I am here for you and you have my full support.” You attempted flashing him a bright smile. He gave you a shaky smile, his brows furrowed, he looked at his toes.

“I’m sorry I have ruined our wedding night…” he apologized, his tone guilty. It felt good to hear him express his regret. You slowly extended your hand towards him and lightly brushed your fingers against his, showing him you forgave him, he reacted by linking his fingers with yours, almost timidly. You stayed a moment like this, not speaking, simply getting used to each other’s presence and comfort; until he was again called for his duties.

You had dinner with Lucilla and Lucius that night. When her son finished eating and went to play, you two settled to talk, of course you spoke about many different things, until she asked about your husband.

“I trust the wedding helped, he seems a lot more inclined to listen to you…”

“Well…not really the wedding…”

“Oh come on Y/N don’t be embarrassed!” she teased you, you laughed but then decided not to mention what happened that night, everything seemed to work better now, that’s what mattered. 

“But you’re right, things are getting better now.”

“I’m glad, my brother needs someone to take care of him.” She had finally said with an affectionate smile.

That night as you went to bed, you were feeling at peace, and for once eager for the next days to come. The extension of the arena was being accomplished and it would take a few more weeks to be completed. Which was a perfect, giving you the time to gather the best warriors and gladiators from all the corners of the Empire. Still at the announcement of the event, people from outside of Rome started to come in the city, some to be sure to have a place to watch the games, other, merchants wanting to increase their benefits. And, because of this, the economy of Rome was booming, which could only play in favor of the Emperor.

And those weeks went on happily, Commodus was still very busy, and you were too as he always asked for you view on each matter, it was as if he was becoming addicted to your advice. Especially after that day where you had received a letter from your family, of course they had enquired about your well-being but the had also informed you of a Roman governor who was taking some liberties for himself but used the name of Rome to justify them. You had immediately informed the Emperor, who had contained his anger and right away granted more power to your family, they were to be the eyes and ears of Rome in the northern part of the province of Gallia.

“I trust your father to take the right dispositions about this governor.” Commodus asserted pleased with your loyalty and the one of your powerful family. Thanks to you he understood he should not only focus on the approbation of Rome but also maintain the full territory of the Empire. You could tell he trusted you now, at least for politics, although you suspected he also used this excuse to spend more time with you, to your great pleasure.

Just like this day, you had planned to go in the city, to discover its markets and other arts. But before you could leave, Commodus had almost run after you to catch you.

“Y/N where are you going?” you turned, surprised at his upset tone.

“I wanted to explore the city, I told you yesterday…”

“Oh right…” he remembered, giving you a quick smile but he seemed disappointed. “It’s just I really wanted your opinion about the outpost of our legions in Germania.” You released an affectionate smile, it was his way of telling you ‘stay with me’ and couldn’t resist to that.

“Cancel my visit for the day.” You told the servants accompanying you, they bowed and left. You went to your husband, who had his mouth slightly agape in surprise, he looked at you pleasantly, he was flattered you had chosen him.

This period of excitement and growing wealth of Rome while preparing the games, reassured Commodus, he could dedicate more of this time to other activities, including you. Although, he still didn’t join you in bed; at least not when you were awake, but you had a very light sleep and some nights, as you were asleep, you would feel a weight slowly drop on the mattress, his body warming the sheets, his sleepy breathing which you loved to listen too. You never dared to move when he came, fearing he might go away, you were happy with whatever he was willing to give you, even if he was always gone before you woke up.

Until this particular morning. There was only a few hours left until the great opening of the games, and Commodus was working tirelessly, his insecurities were surging back, fearing the games might turn into a huge failure, and despite your reassuring words, he had refused to get some rest; he had joined you very late in the night while you were asleep. And now, you opened your eyes at the lights of the morning Sun, you stirred in the bed, feeling very comfortable and warm. You were about to go back to sleep when you heard someone breathing next to you, it was a calm and very sleepy breathing. Was your husband actually there?

You slowly turned, and he was there, in front of you, sleeping like a baby and unlike you, he was a heavy sleeper. You took time to detail his face, he looked so pure and at peace like this, his skin was so smooth, you wanted to kiss it, you wanted to run your fingers through his dark hair, and those lips, you had felt them so many times on your hand, kissing them tenderly, you wanted to know what it would feel like on your mouth…you blushed at your own thoughts, and then you couldn’t resist the urge to touch him, as if you were hypnotized, you brought your hand to his face and with your thumb you lightly trace his lips, they were soft like silk, if only you could just lean and kiss them… you were so mesmerized that you didn’t notice, his eyelids flutter open, until you realized it was too late, he did his best to hide is surprise, his eyes slowly looking at your hand maybe expecting to find a dagger but no, he had simply caught you fantasizing about him, your eyes met his, he didn’t need to ask you what you were doing, your eyes were explicit enough. You decided to keep your hand on his face, there was no point in stopping now. 

“You’re beautiful, Apollo himself should be jealous.” You cooed caressing his face fondly. He answered by a grin, his hand coming to caress your cheek.

“You are very beautiful too Y/N…” he murmured, if he continued to stare at you like this, you were going to kiss him first, and it looked like he wanted it too.

_Knock knock_

The both of you were startled by this knock at the door of your room. Behind it, a voice called, for the royal couple to prepare as the opening of the games will happen in less than three hours. Commodus let go of your face, anxiety surging back in his chest as he got up, you followed, for once you were sharing his nervousness…

You, Commodus, Lucilla and her son were escorted to the arena, which was truly impressive by its size now; you had seen combats for entertainment before but never to this scale, the crowd was cheering excited for the games to start.

“Commodus, this is brilliant!” you complemented him astonished as you emerged in the area dedicated to the Emperor. The people cheered and roared his name as they saw him, then you. You were closely followed by Lucius and Lucilla. He saluted the crowd which cheered even more in return. He settle in his throne, while you sat not far from him with Lucilla and Lucius.

The games started and you had never seen such excitement, speed and violence, you were impressed by the skills and courage of those gladiators. At some point during the games you turned your head to look at Commodus, when you thought he looked very handsome wearing all white, this gold and black outfit was divine. Then his eyes met yours, you quickly looked back at the arena; he smirked, he had caught you staring at him for the second time of the day.

You are surprised at the resistance of the gladiators, normally they are butchered within minutes but they hold on, and you have to admit it is even more entertaining, you feel like you are living these battles but without the danger of getting yourself killed, it’s spectacular, especially when the carriage is being destroyed, their occupants sent flying out and crashing on a spear or the wall. Lucius and Commodus were so into it that they even jumped out of their seat to witness it. You could tell Commodus was impressed, even after seeing so many games in his life. And he was really having the time of his life, you could hear him exclaim and laugh; you couldn’t help but smile in return, it was good to see him in such a relaxed mood.

As the game finishes, all the roman soldiers were dead, the gladiators were cheering for their victory and the crowd was cheering too, especially at this man on the horse, you had to admit he had been very good in handling the warriors.

“My history is a little hazy, Cassius…but shouldn’t the barbarians lose the battle of Carthage?” asked your husband with a hint of amusement to the speaker, you chuckled silently, it is true that the battle took an unexpected turn.

“Uh yes, sire…forgive me, sire.” Answered the man suddenly very nervous. 

“No, I rather enjoy surprises. Who is he?”

“They call him the Spaniard, sire”

“I think I’ll meet him.” You turned your head at this, and Cassius was as surprised as you were, but he complied. This idea made you slightly nervous, what if one of those slaves tried to kill him. Commodus noticed your look of worry, so he came to you, and took your hand to kiss it “Don’t fear, the Pretorians will be with me.” He reassured you with a smile.

Still, when you saw your husband enter the arena, even though he was surrounded by his guards, you felt nervous that one of the gladiators might reach for their weapon. They all knelt before him, then Commodus gestured for him to rise, you suddenly saw Lucius running after him, he looked very fond of this Spaniard.

You softly smiled at the view of Commodus holding Lucius, it made you wonder how he would be as father, probably very affectionate, just like with his nephew. Commodus was speaking to the gladiator with a smile, unfortunately he was too far to be heard by you. The gladiator then turned his back on the Emperor, you frowned, this was an insult. And Commodus attitude instantly changed, he pushed Lucius aside, angered by this gesture, the crowd was murmuring, also shocked by the gladiator.

“Slave!” he called at the man, he then told something else to the man, you didn’t need hear it, but you could feel it from afar, if the man disobeyed once again, he’d be dead within a few seconds. He reached for his helmet, and as he turned to face your husband, you saw some soldiers taken aback, Commodus seemed shocked, Lucilla practically jumped out of her seat, what’s all this about? who’s this man?

Commodus simply looked at the commander of the Pretorians, who in return asked to his men to draw out their weapons, encircling the fighters. What did this man do to anger, no terrify Commodus so much? The crowd was unhappy with this, and was chanting ‘live’, they wanted to keep this gladiator. You could see your husband was in a barely contained panic, he look around the arena, he wanted this man dead but then if he did he would lose the approval of the people, you could tell he was in a very difficult position, he made sign for the people to go quiet and lifted his fist for the final decision, finally it was the thumbs up. It was good decision, hopefully the man will get killed in the next games if he was such a bother. However you were intrigued by Lucilla, it seems she had recognized the man and that she was relieved when he was spared. All of this was very confusing to you.

The both of them stayed silent for the whole way back, and you weren’t the only one left confused, Lucius was too, you made a face to him so he wouldn’t worry too much about it. As you entered the Imperial Palace, you stayed with Lucius and tried to distract him while Lucilla regained her senses. And as she finally did, you went to look for your husband, you had to know. You asked to some slaves in the corridor, who indicated he had just left to go to the vault that gathered the statues of the former emperors. As you went down the stairs you heard footsteps ahead of you, then you finally saw him, he marched to the statue at the center off the vault, it was the former Emperor’s.

“Father.” Commodus whispered, it was barely audible. You watched him bend and pick up a sword laying in front of the statue. He lifted it and put it right under the statue’s chin, you frowned. Then he suddenly started hitting it, violently, it was pure rage, you could hear your husband cry between the hits, until he dropped the weapon, ready to hit the marble with his bare hand, but his cries got louder as he looked at the face of his father, he caressed it until he couldn’t anymore and almost collapsed against the statue, resting his forehead against it, violently crying.

You knew it was a moment supposed to be private but you couldn’t bear to listen to his pained cries anymore and approached him, when you were close enough you softly called his name, then touched his shoulder, he didn’t even flinch, he abruptly turned, to throw himself into your arms, he continued to weep, grabbing the fabric of your dress as he did so, he buried his face in the crook of your neck, his tears wetting your skin. One of your hand came to his back, gently rubbing circles while the other caressed his hair. It was the first time you saw him in such vulnerability.

“I killed him!...he never believed in me!” As terrible as his confession was, that was the moment where you truly understood his behavior, since the beginning he only wanted to prove himself to his father, prove that he was worthy of the Great Aurelius.

“Shhhhhh I’m here Commodus, I’m here…” you whispered in his ear in an attempt to sooth him. Now he missed his father, despite their relationship, he whished his father would have been there to witness his reign. You hold him, until his crying stopped, his breathing becoming less ragged.

“He only ever loved Maximus…he wanted him to become Emperor…so I made sure he would disappear, I thought I did…” he murmured against your skin. He was craving approbation and love, and he was the perfect result of when both things are denied to a child.

“The Spaniard.” You pronounced finally understanding the whole story. He finally looked up to meet your eyes, his were red and still wet; with your thumb you erased another tear threatening to roll.

“I guess you hate me now.” He sniffled, his voice trembling.

“Oh no, Commodus…what is done, is done…besides I can imagine how it feels to be underestimated, unloved. It doesn’t change how I feel about you.” You comforted, standing on your toes to kiss his forehead. He released a shaky breath, closing his eyes at the sensation, he was relieved you were still here for him.

“Thank you.” He breathed, resting his forehead against yours, your lips a few inches to his. However it wasn’t the best moment for such thought.

Then, he left for a good part of the afternoon he went to work as if nothing had happened. You had decided to stay by his side, to show him you were there for him if he needed, advice or comfort. You were on a table nearby reading manuscripts from the library; until later that day, he convoked his sister.

“Why is he still alive?” he asked her his eyes focus on the paper he was working on.

“I don’t know” answers Lucilla cautious, you could feel she was still disturbed by the Spaniard.

“He shouldn’t be alive, it vexes me. I’m terribly vexed.” He added calmly, which in a way was even more dangerous. He disposed of the scribes and leaned back on his chair, looking both at you, then his sister.

“I did what I had to do…if father had had his way, the Empire would have been torn apart. You do see that?” he asked her. He already knew he had your support and now he wanted hers.

“Yes...”

“What did you feel when you saw him?” he asked his sister, his eyes intensely looking at her, danger in the tone of his voice. So that explained her reaction, she had an intimate past with Maximus.

“I felt nothing.” She answered, Commodus didn’t see it, but you, you knew that was lie.

“They lied to me in Germania. They told me he was dead. If they lie to me, they don’t respect me.” He was deeply upset, his hand was slightly shaking, he was furious at them. “If they don’t respect me, how can they ever love me?”

This time you decided to speak first “Then, you must let the legions know that their treachery will not go unpunished.” You advised him, those who lied should be executed has an example. 

“I wouldn’t want to be your enemy…” he smiles, proud of you.

“What will you do?” Lucilla asked, he replied by putting his index on his mouth, like a secret surprise. She was confused, but you were not, as he made eye contact with you, you understood he had exactly the same idea as you in mind.

As you and Lucilla left him to his work, she asked to talk to you in private.

“Of course!” you replied happily, it had been a while since you had a nice chat together.

“You shouldn’t encourage him. I know your trying to be as close as you can to him but this, it’s not helping him.” She suggested in a sweet tone, full of affection for you. However you weren’t expecting her to talk about a serious matter.

“What do you mean?”

“Your advice they are supporting his vision, which means no Senate and it has been an essential tool for the Empire for the past decades! And now you are encouraging him to this!” she explained as she gesture her arms in the direction of his study.

“Of course I do! He only wants the good of the Empire, he is ambitious and brave to do this on his own, I don’t see what’s wrong with that. And don’t you think he should be respected as the Emperor?” you stressed more seriously, what was she trying to do? She sighed when she realized you wouldn’t change your mind.

“You want me to influence him in favor of the Senate.” You finally stated as you understood her attitude. She looked at you in the eyes, confirming your assumptions, you see something else in her eyes, she’s scared, scared of her brother. 

“Lucilla, Commodus would never hurt you or Lucius…” you try to appease her worries taking her hands in yours, she avoided your gaze, you frowned, it seemed she had something in mind “unless you plan to betray him…” you inquired suddenly wary, maybe you were being paranoid too.

“Don’t be silly Y/N, he’s my brother.” She replied almost coldly this time.

“Indeed he is.” You added, your tone coming out as a warning, if she dared to try anything against him.

You left her after this, you were upset, her friendship was dear to you and it would break your heart if she betrayed you and Commodus. And he would be devastated if she did, you hoped you were simply being paranoid tonight and nothing else. Still you intended to keep an eye on her, you will know her true intentions… 

The rest of the day you simply waited for your husband to come to you, he needed rest. But as you had guessed, he was drowning himself in work to forget about all his worries. But you wanted to show him there was other ways to forget…you decided to pay him a visit to give him courage at least. He was still at his desk, alone this time, you arrived from behind making sure he heard your steps so he wouldn’t be surprised, you saw him briefly stop to listen and when he recognized it was only you, he continued his work. As you arrived behind his back you slide your arms around him and kissed his cheek.

“You work too much.” You commented, resting your head on his shoulder; he let go of his quill and took your hand to kiss it fondly, this time, the pressure of his lips on your skin was stronger and it sent shivers down your spine. He turned his face to look at you, his mouth inches from yours, he looked down at your lips.

“I just came up with an idea to get rid of Maximus!” he whispered, joy in his tone, a boyish grin on his face. You replied with an affectionate smile, then you straighten, letting your hand linger on his neck as you took a few steps back. He got up and followed you interested by whatever intention you had. You gave him a languishing look, you felt teasing, it was a good moment to distract him from work and finally have some intimacy together.

When you decided you were hidden from people who could enter the study at any moment, you stopped, he came to stand in front of you, your breast almost touching his torso.

“I saw you staring at me today…” he grinned.

“Oh?” you exclaimed innocently, you released a malicious grin “I just can’t keep my eyes of you…” you flirted, he chuckled pleased, both his hands cupped your face, his face coming closer to yours, his forehead brushing against yours, his lips were so close, you felt his warm breath as he spoke.

“Then let’s conquer the world, just you and me…” he breathed, as he finally sealed his lips with yours, they were as soft as you had imagined, you closed your eyes you enjoy it even more, your hand on his torso, slowly coming up to touch the burning skin of his neck, you felt him moan under your touch, your heartbeat increasing with such a beautiful response. One of his hand buried in your hair giving you goosebumps while the other went to your waist. Now you wanted so much more, his kiss was so good, tasty that you couldn’t get enough of him. Your tongue went to tease his lips, he groaned and pushed you against a column nearby and opened his mouth to meet your tongue, you moaned in response, he tasted like wine, the best the Empire could produce, his tongue was needy, hungry for more.

“Caesar?” called a voice you recognized from an envoy.

You both abruptly stopped, startled. Commodus sighed, leaning his forehead against your collarbone, his eyes still closed.

“Can’t it wait tomorrow…” he asked, his voice hoarse with desire.

“I apologize, it is an important message.”

Your hand came up you stroke his hair, you were very frustrated, and the word wasn’t strong enough to describe how you felt. Commodus looked at you apologetically, you gave him a sympathetic smile.

“Can I hope to continue this later?” he whispered at you lovingly, a hint of fear in his eyes.

“I will wait for you my love…” you cooed giving him one more kiss where he closed his eyes in awe before you regrettably left him to his work.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your love for each other grows everyday but many barriers are coming up until the final one, conspirators are laying in the shadows and death is coming closer...

The day after was tough, for the both of you. Commodus had never been so  tense ; he was grumpy and the slightest could anger him. And it was quite the same thing for you, although you kept any outburst inside of you. Not being able to go farther last night had simply frustrated the both of you to a point you didn’t expect. And now, who knows when you will get some time alone with your husband? 

“Uncle , you don’t look happy today…” commented Lucius during lunch, the four of you were gathered, Commodus had just enough time to share the meal with you. He clenched his jaw, playing with his food, he wasn’t hungry, he wasn’t hungry for food, he was hungry for something else and it was right in front of him talking with Lucilla and he couldn’t get you. He angrily sighed and got up, looking at you was making things worse.

“No , I’m not.” He muttered as he left the room. You and Lucilla turned your head to look a t each other, she looked almost surprised, the last weeks, her brother had been quite happy. 

“Did something happen between the both of you?” she asked with a hint of worry. 

“Nothing happened Lucilla…that’s the very problem…” you sighed, fidgeting your fingers.

“What do you mean?”

“We don’t have a single moment to ourselves. Every time, even during the night he is required …and that’s nerve racking.” You explained, hoping she would understand what you meant, Lucius was still here, you didn’t want to be too explicit for him. Fortunately for you, her eyes showed she had understood.

“I see…” she replied, “That’s why he maybe should reach out to the Senate and let them take some decisions.” You chuckled

“Even if he had nothing against the Senate, he would refuse, he…he is very disturbed Lucilla. More than you think, and the only way for him to feel better is by the work he will accomplish as the Emperor of Rome…all I can do is be here for him…I wish I could be more present, he needs to breathe…” you explained, worry growing in your chest, he was going to kill himself on the job if he kept going like this. Lucilla didn’t respond, she didn’t know what to say , and she didn’t understand how you could seek contact with her brother, he wasn’t a sane man and with time it will get worse...

For the rest of the day you occupied yourself by going to the city, you never had the time since you arrived to visit it, and it was splendid, you had decided to go under cover, two pretorians closely following you, in case something would happen. You went to buy clothing, silk robes, you choose a pale blue one, it was your favorite color; then your eyes landed on black silk robe, the edges were decorated with golden patterns. It immediately reminded you of this magnificent outfit of Commodus, your favorite. It was decided, you will buy this one too, you and Commodus will be matching clothes.

When you came back to the imperial palace, you immediately changed clothes, you were eager to show it to your husband, even though it might not help the current situation. He was nowhere to be found, not in his study, the bedroom or the library, you decided to head to the garden, maybe he was there.

As you got closer to the gardens, you heard the sound of swords colliding against one another, you could also hear the ragged breaths and grunts of men; could the  P retorians train there? As you finally reached the gardens, the light of the Sun briefly blinding you, making you blink several times to adjust to the light; you saw the men fighting, your eyes went wide when you realized Commodus was there, he was training with his Pretorians, he was alone against two guards, he was agile, fast, his movement big and powerful as he hit one several times. For a moment you thought he was actually going to kill him, he had rage in his eyes, it was his way of taking out his frustration from last night apparently.

You leaned against a column, observing him from afar, you didn’t want him to be disturbed, and even more when you realized he was shirtless, to say it was an enjoyable sight was an understatement.  You knew he was strongly built by the way he hold  himself, but his armor hid those muscular biceps from you, you imagined yourself in bed with Commodus, his strong arms encircled around your body as he peacefully slept…the sweat made his muscles shine, his hair were damp with the heat that was outside today . He quickly turned on himself to hit the other man, you catch a glimpse of his behind, what a shame his toga was hiding  it  when he wasn’t shirtless, and those shoulders, how good it must feel when you are gripping them, when he is on top of you, kissing your neck…you quickly shook your head, chasing those dirty thoughts of your mind, you bit your lip, blushing, you wanted to laugh, with such desperation something will have to be done soon. 

“Y/N?” Commodus voice pushed you out of your thoughts, he had seen you, he  stopped the fight and  took water from a vase, pouring water on his head to cool off, drops of water dripping on his torso. You r heart missed a beat at this vision, ‘ _ Juno have mercy, why do you do this to me Commodus’ _ you thought, feeling heat coming to your cheeks and between your legs. To make things worse he came up to you and only stopped when he was close, your bodies almost touching. He looked at you intensely, then a smirk formed on his lips, was it so obvious the effect he had on you?! you swallowed down, your mouth feeling dry.

“This dress is gorgeous…” he susurrated looking at your body from head to toe suggestively.

“I figured out you would like  it ; it is just like…”

“Just like my outfit for the games.” He  finished  your sentence,  he was flattered,  his eyes soften by the care you had taken in choosing a new dress. He liked to see a bit of himself on you. 

“Leave.” He ordered his men, his eyes never leaving yours. When they did, Commodus had a boyish smile on his lips, one he had only was he was alone with you, as if he could only be himself around you. He took a few steps back to pick up  h is sword lying in the sand.

“Have you ever held a sword?” he asked you, caressing the blade. 

“I did, my tribe, the Gaul’s have Celtic blood, therefore women were to know how to fight, I learned a bit when I was a child, but my parents forbid me to continue, as a noble it wasn’t in my destiny to fight for the land.” You explained walking to him, he handed you the sword, as you took it, it reminded you of your training, although t h is one was lighter and easier to handle, it had been forged with much more delicacy . Your husband took another spare sword for himself.

“I have heard the stories of female warriors, of how they could fairly fight a roman.” He praised, standing for the fight. You grinned; you were curious on how long you could handle a fight with him. You started, testing the waters by launching a hit to his shoulder which  he easily blocked. The both of you circled around until Commodus launched a powerful hit towards your side, you were able to block it, the strength of his hit was mostly the problem. 

“Good technique!” he complimented you as you block another hit.

“You’re not too bad yourself…” you replied with a smirk.

The fight got more active as you started to get comfortable and understand his strategy, thankfully the both of you always aimed slightly aside or would slow down the blade as it came closer to the other ’ s body. But you were getting tired, not used to intense training sessions; and that’s when Commodus saw the perfect opportunity to win, he aimed at your head, you focused all you r attention on pushing back the blade, he spun around you, disarming you, he locked your back against h is torso, his blade around your throat, the other arm around your waist. 

You were panting, he got you, you could feel his rapid breathing against your back. 

“If you had chosen to dodge my attack instead of blocking it , you could have won.” He advised; his mouth close to your ear. You suddenly realized how close you were to each other, his warm breath on your neck, his naked torso against your body, his hand on your lower belly. You turned your head to look at him, when your eyes met, he slowly lowered his sword, his eyes traveling between your eyes and your lips until he couldn’t resist anymore, he spun you around, crashing his lips against yours, letting his sword fall in the dirt; one of your hand buried in his hair while the other touched his torso, caressing the muscles under his smooth skin. His fingers buried in your hair, softly grabbing them as his tongue met yours. Gods you had missed it so much, it felt so good, so right. You r hand moved down to his belly, you wanted to feel the rest of his  body , Commodus released a high-pitched moan at the contact, just like last night and it was music to your ears. 

But to your regret you had to stop, it was the middle of the day, such intimacy was forbidden in the daylight, you weakly pushed yourself off of him before kissing him once again, it was so addictive, his taste was divine.  After a bit, you separated to catch your breath, your forehead against his.

“You… you better make sure to have the full night for us…” you breathed against his lips before moving away from him to cool off. Commodus was still under the trance of your kissing when you left, he just had a taste of Elysium and he was going to make it permanent. 

The rest of the afternoon didn’t pass quickly enough, you avoided each other, otherwise you would have ended up making out in front of the Senate. When dinner arrived, you were hungrily looking at each other, you were jumpy not because of fear but because you were  starved to feel his touch again.

Lucilla could feel the sexual tension between the both of you, she hid a smile at the situation, it was almost cute and while you two would be busy with each other, she will be able to visit Maximus and meet with Gracchus and Gaius to talk about the future of the Empire.  As he finished eating, Commodus got out of his seat, and came to stand next to you, his hand gently touching your shoulder, he leaned, his lips brushing against your ear.

“I have one more thing to do and I shall be yours in the coming hour…” he murmured sending shivers down your spine, you nodded in agreement, trying to hide your excitement. 

When you had finished dinner, you went to the imperial bedroom, your heart beating fast in anticipation. Of course, there was a bit of nervousness but not as much as the day of the wedding, you knew him by now, and he had affection for you which changed everything. You briefly looked at yourself in the mirror, to check your appearance, your cheeks were flushed, you untied your hair , you always  preferred them down . Behind you, you heard the door open, then close loudly, he was finally here.

“I’m glad you are…” you couldn’t finish your sentence that Commodus had spun you around and was now kissing your lips with an unrestrained hunger.  He had jumped on you as if it was his last night in this world, not that you complained, it was quite the contrary .

He only wore his tunic, which made it easier for what was going to follow , you grabbed the fabric of his clothes as you felt his tongue tease yours. But then, he briefly broke the kiss, what now?

“I apologize if I come to disappoint you tonight, I never had such…” he started to explain with a hint of anxiety in his voice. You shush him by putting a finger on his lips “Then that makes the two of us, we will learn together.” you whispered to him, giving a reassuring smile.

You took him by the hand and guided him to the bed, your eyes never leaving his. You knelt on the mattress, he did too in front of you, you could feel he was nervous, just like you but you also felt that he wanted to be here with you and share this intimate moment and that’s all that mattered . Your eyes gazed at his hand as you took off his Emperor ring, tonight he was just Commodus, your lover. 

He was looking at you with fascination, his hands came up to caress your face, then you guided his hand to the pin holding together you r dress, he delicately took it off, his hand helping the fabric to fall off, you were in underwear now; he exhaled soundly astonished at the view of your body in such minimal attire. His hand traveled on your chest to take off your breast band, fully revealing your chest, he couldn’t take his eyes off of your nipples, his fingers went to delicately caress them as if you were the most fragile piece of art he had ever seen. He captured your mouth tenderly, while your hands took off his tunic, y ou could finally feel his strong shoulders under your touch; y ou both only had one small piece of cloth left. He gently laid you down on the mattress, coming on top of you; you looked at his torso, your hand caressing his skin, trying to memorize every inch of his skin, you finally looked back at him, his eyes were full of wonder, he was so beautiful...You pushed yourself up to close the gap between your mouths, you felt his warm skin brushing against your breast, your skin was so sensitive, this contact made you moan, desire was quickly rising up, the kisses becoming more passionate, heated each time, his mouth moved to your jaw, then your neck, his tongue teasing your sensitive skin, needy moans escaping your lips, you grabbed his hair at this indescribable feeling, you could feel wetness form between your legs. His mouth continued to trail kisses down your body until he reached your nipples, hungrily kissing and sucking them, you gasped at such good sensation, he was very good with his tongue... he continued his way down to stop at your underwear, he briefly looked at you as if he wanted to make sure you wanted to continue, then he slowly slid the piece of cloth off your legs, he went back up, fondly kissing your thighs until he arrived between your legs, he took a deep breath, filling his lungs with your scent, your legs were shaking at the view of your lover between your legs. He bent down and hungrily kissed your soft spot, you gasped surprise being quickly replaced by pleasure. You had heard this was a disapproved practice in Rome, but who cares, he is the Emperor , he is free to do whatever he wants, and it just felt so good, you didn’t see why this should be forbidden.

“You taste divine” he cooed taking one last bite of you,  you shivered at this compliment,  then he came back up, longingly kissing your lips, you felt him reaching to take off his own underwear, he made eye contact with you, his eyes were shining as if he was emotional about the moment you were sharing, your thumb went to caress his cheek ; as  he enter ed you, you both gasped, trembling at the pleasure you felt, you were panting wanting more, his nose nuzzled against yours as he closed his eyes to feel the moment; when you both felt comfortable, he started to move, slowly at first then he accelerated as pleasure increased bringing you both closer to the edge each time. His mouth never leaved you rs when he was thrusting, you wish ed you could stay this way forever...

“Y/N…you’re the best thing that...ever happened to me…” he moaned against your lips, he continued to moan tender words until he came ... then, shaking, he continued until you joined him afterwards, he watched your face in awe as you did , what a beautiful sight to see you in ecstasy under his care.

He slowly collapsed on your chest, kissing it  fondly  before  falling asleep , you distractingly stroked his hair , you felt at peace, you had connected with him in the most intimate and trustful day, you hoped this would fill the hole in his heart and bring him the happiness he lacked his whole life.

In the morning, you found yourself sleeping on your stomach, you slowly started to wake  up  at the feeling of someone, Commodus, touching your back. You turned your head to look at him, his head  was  resting in his hand while the other traced imaginary designs on your naked skin, he was smiling.

“I never slept so well in my life.” He stated, making eye contact with you.

“I’m glad.” You replied, sighting happily. Caressing your shoulder, silently suggesting another round, he shifted closer to you, you giggled at his eagerness which you shared with him. He started to trail kisses along your back, until he was completely on top of you, hungrily kissing your shoulder and behind your ear, you bite your lip, you could feel him hard against the sheets. ..

Knock  Knock

“I apologize to your highness; the Senate is requesting your presence.” Said cautiously the voice  behind the door.

Both of you froze , you sighed, another long day was about to start, away from Commodus, away from his warmth and his arms. 

“Another proof that the Senate is useless, always needing me…” he chuckled then got up to dress up. You watched him do so, enjoying the view of his naked body. Finally he put on his armor, he was struggling a bit to tie the knots on his side, so you got up to help him, he froze when he saw your naked body, desire still present on his features; he wished he could stay in your arms all  day  and show  you  how much you meant to him, again and again, and again. ..

You shivered when your naked body touched his cold metal shell, he watched you take care of his outfit, his eyes full of tenderness. Then you reached for his ring on the nightstand, sliding it on his finger, you brought his hand to your lips, kissing his knuckles with a content smile. His hand went to cup your cheek and he kissed you one last time before leaving, his kiss full of passion, adoration and promises for your future. 

For the following weeks, it was like being in Elysium. Commodus was happy, he adored you, worshiped your body in every way possible and as much as  he  could, as he couldn’t get enough of you and you did the same for him, you never imagined you could be so in love with a man. 

Pol i tically speaking, i t turned out he was loved by the army, which was a considerable advantage. And he had accomplished some great things already; with your support and advice of course. The most notorious one was when the Empire’s stock of wheat had run out for no apparent reason, it was supposed to be two years stock. But your spies , which you had hired recently,  had discovered the treason of a Senator who wanted Commodus to be accused for this. So, when proof was gathered and exposed to the citizens, your lover had given the people what they wanted, the traitor had been lynched by the crowd. And to recover from the loss of the wheat stock, Commodus had the clever idea to establish some economic laws to stabilize prices and managed increase the import of wheat from Africa. The following week a peace treaty had even been signed with the tribe of the  Marcomans ; in exchange they would deliver wheat and other cereals, weapons and soldiers, this resulted into the end of the war with the  Marcomans , to the great pleasure of the people and approval of the Senate.  Commodus popularity was rising, it was great news.

You were proud to help him and teach him things. It enabled to ease his mind at least a bit; and the games were only about to reach their half, and he was expecting a champion to come and beat Maximus. In the meantime, you loved each other very much, it was almost as if you couldn't keep your hands o ff  to each other . To the point it was obvious to everyone that your marriage of convenience had evolved into a madly in love couple.

Right now, Commodus had some free time after lunch. You were laying on the couch,  your lover had his head resting on your lap, you were giggling like the two lovesick you were, you were feeding him grapes, you had decided to tease him, putting a grape between your lips, you leaned over him, so that he had to kiss you to eat the fruit, he smirked when he understood your purpose, slightly lifting his head to meet your lips in a slow and loving kiss.

“Mother,  uncle  Commodus and Y/N are kissing again” complained Lucius making a disgusted noise. You broke the kiss laughing.

“Well, young man, maybe you shouldn’t be looking!” replied Commodus with  a  grin, sitting back up and giving you a kiss on the neck, making you giggle, he loved to kiss you there, just to hear you laugh. Lucilla was smiling softened at the scene but she quickly went back to a serious face.

“Brother, the Champion has arrived.” she informed him; Commodus almost jumped out of his seat in excitement , finally the moment where he will be free of Maximus was approaching.

“Excellent! He shall fight at the end of the week.” he declared impatient but still wishing for the champion to rest and be at his best for the fight. 

Of course , Commodus had down moments, n ight terrors to be more precise. He often had nightmares, sometimes about his father, sometimes about Maximus and other nightmares of treason and murder. Most of the time, like this night before the games, he would jump right awake, panting, looking around to make sure he was safe, and he won’t get back to sleep, afraid of what might happen to him in Morpheus realm or the world of the living. 

“ Shshhhh ...go back to sleep...” you would whisper in a sleepy voice, turning to face him, snuggling against him, you would feel his arms encircling your body, hugging you tightly, he would bury his head in the crook of your neck, his fingers brushing against your skin to sooth himself ; and eventually lulled by your peaceful breathing, he would fall back asleep....

Today was finally the day where you would go back to n ext game . It was the 64 th game, an important milestone for Rome, two months after the beginning, many things had happened, it was a good time to assess the things Commodus had accomplished. 

To celebrate, Commodus had decided to distribute bread to the people, they cheered in return, chanting his name to thank his generosity.  But then, the time came to introduce the  undefeated gladiator ,  he was originally from Gallia, just like you, he had been undefeated, you knew this was going to be an interesting fight.

The three of you came closer to the balustrade to applaud the warrior,  then the arrival of Maximus, the champion was truly impressive, you had never seen such musculature. You hoped he had as much tactic as strength, Maximus was a clever man, you had seen it since the beginning.

“They embrace him like he’s one of their own. ” Observed Commodus as he continued to clap, he was annoyed at the love of the crowd for the gladiator. 

“That’s why he should perish in the games as soon as possible.” you replied, you didn’t have anything against Maximus apart from the fact that your lover was terrified of him, and that was enough of a reason for you to wish for his death.

“Let’s hope he does.”

“The mob is fickle, brother. He’ll be forgotten in a month.” added Lucilla trying to appease her brother’s mind.

“No much sooner than that, it’s been arranged.” He confessed, you nod ded , it ha d to be done, the more  time  he stays alive, the more he’s a danger to  Commodus and  the Empire. Lucilla kep t her face emotionless until he  went back to his seat, you on the other hand , got  the time to see worry mark her face, her eyes were slightly wet. She  had  feelings for this Maximus; this can’t be of good omen.

The combat started, you were excited, you had grown quite fond of the thrill it made you feel. As the two men were fighting, you noticed people coming into the arena and taking hold of chains laying in the dirt. You gasped in surprise when you saw traps open and tigers com ing out, restraining the surface of fight, it was beyond exciting, you flashed a smile at your husband, who also smiled at you in return. Your seat had been placed closer to him today; he took your hand and kissed your knuckles as you smiled pleased with the combat he had arranged.

However, the champion started to lose his advantage and Maximus managed to win, the other man was on the floor, the crowd chanting for him to be killed, Maximus had his axe right above the man’s throat. Commodus sighed; it wasn’t supposed to end this way. He had no choice but comply with the People and puts his thumb down. However, Maximus, refused to kill the man and threw his weapon on the floor, you felt frustration grow in your chest, this man was very good at handling the People  and because of that he dared to disobey the Emperor, the people  were now calling him ‘Maximus the merciful’ and once again Commodus could do nothing about it, he nodded at the Gladiator recognizing he had won this round, once again. 

But now, the crowd was chanting the gladiator’s name, your husband clenched his jaw, he was angry and scared. A worried frown formed on your face as you saw him head to the arena. 

Once again, Maximus was surrounded by the  P retorians, Commodus came close to him. Just like last time, you couldn’t hear what they were talking about, but you could feel tension radiate from them, the talk was short, ending with the gladiator bowing his head and leaving under the clamor of the people. What did they talk about?

That night, Commodus was in a poor state, he was terrified, pacing back and forth, he wanted to cry, you could tell by the trembling in his voice , you stayed close to him, indicating that you were there if he seeks comfort.

“And now they love Maximus for his mercy. So, I can’t just kill him, or it makes me even more unmerciful!” he sniffed, tears in his eyes “The whole thing’s like some crazed nightmare.” A tear rolled down his cheek as he leaned is head back against a column.  He was trapped, the only way to get rid of Maximus was through the games. 

Falco advised him  to kill the gladiator but this was a risky move, and it could only encourage assassination attempts on your lover. So, Falco offered something else,  to lay still and wait for the best moment to find all the enemies of the Emperor, they would be the traitors and it gave more time to get rid of Maximus.

“Have every senator followed.” he  ordered; his voice exhausted. 

“Thank you, Falco, now I believe my husband needs rest.” You said as you gently took Commodus arm, bringing him to the imperial bedroom. He was protesting against it , weakly, physical and emotional exhaustion getting the best of him.

You laid him in bed, guiding his head on your chest, you caressed his hair, it soothed him. T h ankfully, h e almost immediately f ell asleep , he was exhausted .  However, it didn’t last long, as you slept, you were awakened by the sounds of someone crying, you rubbed your eyes trying to determine who could be crying so late at night. Until, you realized, it was right next to you, Commodus was crying, you frowned worried, it had been a while since he had last cried, you turned to comfort him, to realize that he was still sleeping, he was having a nightmare and was crying in his sleep. Gently, your hand went to caress his cheek, trying to wake him up.

“Commodus...my love...wake up.” you whispered, slightly increasing the pressure of your thumb against his cheek. Finally, his eyes shot wide open, his breathing fast, he looked around as if he felt lost for a brief moment. Until, he recognized you, he sighted in relief, throwing his arms around your waist, bringing you closer to him, his nose brushing against yours.

“I’m here my love, I’m here.” you repeated to him, caressing his face, erasing his tears with your thumb. You waited for him to talk, he knew you were open to listen to him, he simply needed time to gather his  thoughts . 

“Maximus...he wants to kill me...he told me he won’t stop until he gets me.” he explained after he calmed down, you closed your eyes, pained and upset, you didn’t want to lose Commodus...you tighten your embrace, breathing his scent, no you won’t lose him. ..

“I’m such a failure, history will forget my name...” he wailed, his voice trembling.

“No, they won’t. Commodus, this is not the end, you can still win this fight and you will, you’re strong, I believe in you and the people believe in you. The gladiator is just their favorite toy.” you replied with a confident tone, making him look at you in the eyes. He swallowed down and crashed his lips against yours, he didn’t deserve such kind woman.

To support your husband, you also sent your spies, you needed to know what was the plan of the conspirators, or least those in favor of Maximus. The following days, Commodus grew paranoid, he often wore his armor inside the palace, in fear of a traitor, you always stayed by his side, cancelling any of your plans, you wanted your lover to understand that he could fully trust you and that you will never betray him. And it worked, he seemed relieved to have you by his side at any time even if he was putting aside any kind of intimacy with you .  It was complete ly the  opposite  of Lucilla, she was being more secretive every day, even with you, you were so close before but the moment you agreed with Commodus and became his most trusted person, she completely changed , it  hurt your feelings . His trust regarding his sister was diminishing incredibly fast, he even sent for her when she wasn’t in the palace. Some of your spies were following her too, and they informed you she was seeing senator Gracchus. Of course, your husband believed he was her lover, but you had something else in mind, since the beginning he had been nothing but hostile to the new emperor, they could be planning a coup. 

The next day, Commodus’s spies came to the same conclusion, the senator was conspiring against him. Commodus sent his Pretorians to arrest him, at least one behind bars. You didn’t understand why they preferred a soldier rather than the legitimate heir of Marcus Aurelius. And that’s why you decided to talk to Maximus, you needed to know. So, you went to your husband, you had always been completely honest with him, you won’t change this.

“Why do you want to talk to him?” he asked you , surprised at your request. His mouth was slightly agape, fear in his eyes, as if he was expecting you to betray him too. You took his hands, your thumb stroking his palm.

“Because I want to understand him, what does he have, that seduces senators and that you don’t have? And maybe I can find a weak point, something that could help us.” you explained sincerely, looking at him in the eyes. He didn’t know if he could agree to this, what if you betray him? He wants someone to follow you, just in case...but what if you’re sincere ? you would be insulted and angered that he didn’t trust you...

“Have one of your men can come with me, he can stay behind the door of the cell and listen.” you offered as you read his worries, you wanted him to be reassured even if it was hurting your feelings. He nodded, giving you permission for this.

“Thank you.” you said as you tenderly kissed his lips, he grabbed your face fiercely, he was afraid to lose you, that you would change after your visit to Maximus.

You left the following hour, Proximo, his owner , granted you permission to talk to the gladiator. As you entered his cell, you detailed his face for the first time, he was normal, and even had nice eyes, he looked at you with suspicion, he wanted to figure out the purpose of your visit. 

“Highness.” he saluted, bowing his head respectfully. “I believe we never met.”

“Indeed, I met Commodus after the loss of his father, in Gallia.”

“A war trophy?” he asked, even though it felt like he was stating a fact more than anything else.

“Political alliance. Chosen by Marcus Aurelius.” you replied on a harsh tone, was he assuming that your lover was the type of man to use women as objects?

“There’s not much difference... ”

“But there is, it is called love, if you know what it is...” you shot, ready to defend your lover.

“I perfectly know what it is! Your precious husband took it from me!” he snapped, fighting against his chains. However, you were much more interested in what he had to say.

“What do you mean?”

“He didn’t tell you, did he?” chuckled Maximus, you lowered your eyes, your pride hurt that Commodus  didn't tell you everything.

“You see, Commodus wanted power, take his father’s place, so he killed him, and when I refused to pledge loyalty to him, he tried to kill me, obviously he failed and when I got home, I found nothing but my house destroyed, my son and my wife killed, nailed to a cross. .. ” he exposed, hatred in his eyes. You frowned, confused. Was he saying the truth? Why would Commodus do such  cruel thing?

“So, you don’t want to take his place?”

“I couldn’t care less; I would have done anything to have my family alive, but he also  disrespected Marcus Aurelius last command...”

“I know about that.” you admitted, there was no point in hiding it.

“And yet, you are his wife, pretending to love him. What is the purpose of your visit? Just like Gracchus?” he asked, his curiosity piqued.

“I do love him, more than anything. And I have everything I wanted to know Maximus. What he...has done, is unforgivable but believe or not, Commodus is a deeply suffering, I think you would have become the same if your whole life you were prepared for a role that is denied to you in the end, by your own father, who never treated you as his son, a father who preferred to give all his love and knowledge to another man, he called son. Goodbye Maximus.” you spoke trying to prevent your voice from shaking, you were going to ask Commodus if all this was true, the man seemed honest, yet you still defended your husband, because you love d him to the point you could ignore his darkest moments. 

As you came back, you felt Commodus was getting even more restless .

“I was worried for  you.” he said looking at the floor, almost as if he was dissociating. 

“You don’t have to worry, you know that, Maximus was chained and your men were outside the cell.”

“I thought you had joined his cause too...He infects everyone like the Plague...”

“I’m not the Senate or Lucilla.” your answer seemed to dissipate his wary thoughts about you.

“For the health of Rome, it must be bled purified from its traitors, and Maximus too. Very soon.” he whispered dangerously, you had rarely seen such hatred and violence in his eyes.

“But not tonight. Nothing will hurt you , not while I’m here to watch over you.” You  replied with a tender smile, trying to appease his paranoia, he needed to rest, have a clear mind, as he got up you turned and gently  pushed him on the mattress.

“ Once, my father said: i t’s a dream…a frightful dream, life is. ..d o you think it’s true? ” he asked you, he was deeply tormented, you had thought your love had ‘cured’ him but the roots of his pain were even deeper, you could feel him slip away from you and into the arms of  insanity, you couldn’t let that happen.

“Maybe… sometimes life feels like a nightmare but not always, when I am with you, it is the most beautiful dream.” you answered truthfully.

“I think it is and I have only you to share it with.”  he added, it seemed the moments you shared weren’t enough compared the bad ones but you will change this, you will make sure he is happy. 

You came stand in front of  him, between his legs, your hands behind his head, you caressed is hair “they’re so soft...” you murmured burying your nose in his hair, inhaling his sweet and spicy scent . He encircle d his arms around your waist,  and  buried his head in your chest.  You wanted to ask him about Maximus family, but he was so on the edge right now...He turned still keeping you close to him, so you would fall on the bed, he came slightly over you, tracing your lips with his thumb.

“I love you”  he breathed, it was the  first time he sa id those words to you, your eyes  started to get wet, and  a happy smile formed on your face. You had never realized you needed to hear those words so much.

“I love you too Commodus.”  you replied on the same tone cupping his cheek lovingly. He flashed a boyish smile, then his eyes started to flutter, he was exhausted, and the simple fact to be on the mattress, in yours arms, made him sleepy; slowly he lowered his head to rest on your chest, securely grabbing your dress, afraid you would disappear and he fell into a deep sleep. You were not tired but you wanted to stay like this, who knows what the future will be made off? What if you can’t save him? You quickly erased a tear rolling down your cheek at these thoughts.

An hour later, maybe more, you heard Lucius playing fighting with some slaves, you wanted to tell him to be quiet, so that your lover would sleep some more. But Commodus was already starting to wake up, until he groggily opened his eyes. You felt his hand coming up to caress your cheek. I t fel t nice, for a brief moment you  forgot about his worries and this horrible murder .  He brushe d his thumb on your lower lip, you slowly lifted your hand, fearing he might go away, your hand took his and you brought his palm closer to your lips, kissing it , then his wrist,  fondly. You never left his gaze, you wanted him to know you loved him and you always will . His eyes were slightly wet, he needed affection, you were the only he could come to at the moment, he closed his eyes in appreciation and relief, to be for once , not rejected.  You stayed silent for a moment, enjoying each other’s comforting presence. Until, Commodus got distracted by Lucius laughter, he smiled sweetly, he really loved his nephew. 

“Kiss?” he asked you hopefully like a young boy. His boyish attitude was probably the one you preferred, he felt happy and pure like this. You lifted yourself on your elbows and kissed his forehead; he closed his eyes to enjoy the sensation even more, then left to see his nephew. You closely followed, intending on watching their joyful interaction. 

“Isn’t it too late to play a legionnaire? ” asked your husband as he took the wooden sword from the slave and started to gently fight with the young boy.

“I’m not a legionnaire !” 

“Not a legionnaire? ”

“I’m a gladiator ”

“Gladiators only fight in the games. Wouldn’t you rather be the great Roman warrior like Julius Caesar? ” retorted Commodus having fun. 

“I’m Maximus, the savior of Rome ! ”  whooped Lucius in excitement,  your blood ran cold at what he said,  Commodus instantly stopped, there was only one person who could have implemented this idea in the boy’s mind...

“The savior of Rome?” he kne lt at the height of his nephew, still smiling, not because he  was  happy but because he want ed Lucius to give him  the very important information,  the  conspirator  of the palace.. . 

“And who said that?” You already  had an  idea of who it was,  you  had  deduced  it  from the strange behavior of Lucilla lately, and Commodus was going to hear the truth, it will terribly hurt him, but he will finally see clearly in all of this.  Lucius leaned closer to his uncle to whisper it in his ear.  When he  pronounced  her name, you s aw Commodus heart shatter,  he had just been betrayed by his family, once again. H e  tightly  hug ged Lucius, closed his eyes, trying not to cry at this revelation.

Anger rose in your chest, he shouldn’t be treated this way, his family should be his best support. When you arrived in Rome, you had thought Lucilla would become your closest friend and that you would form a happy family, but it was the opposite, how dare she conspire against her own blood!? You knew Commodus wasn’t the sanest man, but you at least were trying to save him, she didn’t do a single thing for it.

Your lover stood up, and turned to look at you, his eyes full of hatred and grief.

“Why don’t we tell stories to our nephew while waiting for Lucilla.” he proposed, clenching his jaw, putting his arm around the boy’s shoulder, maybe you should have been scared by his attitude but you had nothing to reproach yourself for, you wanted her to be punished too. 

Lucilla finally arrived afterwards as Commodus talked about Cleopatra; she had been going outside, surely to talk to the gladiator. 

“Sister! Join us! I’ve been reading to dear Lucius” exclaimed your husband with a fake smile.

“I’ve been reading too” added Lucius proudly

“He’s a very clever little boy. He’ll make a great  Legatus one day. We’ve been reading about the great Marc Anthony and his adventures in Egypt.” explained Commodus, setting the atmosphere.

“And the Queen killed herself with a snake” Lucilla smiled at her son sweetly 

“And just wait to hear about our ancestors. I’ll tell you the story of Emperor Claudius...betrayed by those closest to him” he turned to look at his sister “by his own blood...” Lucilla’s face went back to seriousness, as if she was defying him. 

“They whispered in dark corners, and went out late at night, and conspired, and conspired...” Lucius started to look scared, he didn’t like this story. 

“But the Emperor Claudius knew they were up to something, he knew they were busy little bees.” As for your husband his tone got dangerous, he could almost kill her right away, if he still didn’t have affection for his sister.

“And one night he sat down with one of them, he looked at her and said: tell me. What you’ve been doing, busy little bee or I shall strike down those dearest to you. You shall watch as I bathe in their blood...” he said this time, this order was directly headed to Lucilla, her eyes were wet, tears coming out, she had understood the clear threat. As for Lucius, he was confused to see his mother so moved by such a story. “And the Emperor was heartbroken...” Commodus swallowed down, tears in his eyes “The little bee had wounded him more deeply than anyone else could have done...”

“What do you think happened there Lucius?” he asked to his nephew still presenting this as a bedtime story. 

“I don’t know uncle...” he answered with a small voice, upset by the story.

“The little bee told him everything.” Commodus looked at his sister, his tone without appeal, was he seriously threatening Lucius life or did he know she would do everything to protect her son? You couldn’t help but think about  Maximus family...

“And now it’s time to go to sleep Lucius, I’ll tell you more stories tomorrow.” you smiled at the boy gently taking him to his bedroom. He didn’t need to know the truth; he will understand when he’ll become a man. And Lucilla actually told the Emperor everything, this plan, Cicero, and all the other traitors. 

The very same night, Maximus’s plan of escape failed. As for Lucilla, Commodus hadn’t decided yet, exile seemed an option, he couldn’t bring himself to kill her, and you couldn't too, she was still the woman who appeased your mind and made you laugh. You were surprised Commodus didn’t order Maximus execution right away. But he had something else in mind and he refused to share it with you. And that upset you very much, he can’t keep all of his worries for himself...

Right now, he was in the bath. You decided to go and join him, being only the two of you, in the warm water could help him to talk to you. As you arrived, you saw him in the bath, each arm resting on the edge, a cup of wine in his right hand. He seemed deep in his thoughts, however, when he heard your steps, he seemed to get back to himself, and looked at you.

“You were right.” he lamented with a sad smile, taking another sip of his wine. 

“I ’ m sorry” you t old  him  with a compassionate smile,  knowing how heartbroken he felt. You took of f your tunic, putting it on a couch nearby. Commodus watched your body  move  as you walked to the bath and entered the warm water.  It seemed to break him out of his trance of negative thoughts and bring back your tender lover. 

“You’re so beautiful ... you  do  know that?”  he flirted as he watched you coming closer to him.

“ O nly for you Caesar…”  you replied on the same tone, a seductive smile playing on your lips. He offered you his cup, you took a sip, licking your lips.

“I’m worried for you...what is it you’re not telling me?” you finally confessed, your arms around his neck, caressing the back of his head, your smile replaced by a worried frown. Your lover closed his eyes and sighted, emotionally exhausted. 

“Once Maximus is dead everything will be back to normal, we will finally have peace and I will show you how much I love you...” he assured you, determined as he forcefully grabbed your hair to possessively kiss you, it was rough, angry, almost threatening. 

“When all of this is over, I will show the world you’re mine...” he kissed you again biting your lower lip “Gods Y/N you’re the only one I have left, if you ever betray me, I swear, I’ll destroy the whole world...”

“And I would choose to die rather than hurt you” you responded seriously  against his lips, maybe it was useless, he wouldn’t believe you but you still said it. 

Commodus behavior got  strange r for the following days, you th ought it  was because of the shock  of the betrayal of  Lucilla but there  was  actually something else . But your thoughts were distracted by your own health, you  had felt  sick,  every day, you were tired and nausea hit you often, leading to you vomiting, you did your best to hide it from Commodus, you didn’t want to worry him; sometimes paranoia gained you too and you started to think someone had poisoned you, maybe even Lucilla. 

So, you called in a physician, a woman, simply telling Commodus it was mostly for pain and fatigue due to your monthly bleeding, and thankfully, he believed you. However, the diagnosis was much more different and you couldn’t tell him, not now, it would only bring him more worry. 

Until that day...one final game was organized, it was said to become the most memorable in all Rome’s history. You arrived with Lucilla and Lucius at the imperial box, the crowd was chanting Maximus name, excited as ever for the surprise that the Emperor had organized for them. Speaking of him, he wasn’t here, you frowned, where was he?

“Where is the Emperor?” you asked the chief of the Pretorians. When he answered that Commodus was preparing for the fight, your mind froze, he wasn’t actually going to fight!? Why didn’t he tell you!? Your heartbeat increased, anxiety growing in your chest, he was a good fighter but so was Maximus, it could end up killed and who knows what will happen to you if he dies. You pushed past the guard and rushed to the gladiator's area to find him.

It was so crowded, you felt like crying, you had to find him, and convince him to do something else than fight. Your eyes finally landed on him he was all dressed in all, just like your wedding day...

“Commodus don’t do this!” you pleaded as he took your hands and guided you to a quiet and intimate corner. He took your face between his hands, his eyes wet, he was scared but his hatred for Maximus and paranoia about the traitors was taking over the rest of his emotions.

“I have to...Y/N this is the only way, if the Emperor wins against the great Maximus, I will become their hero! No one will ever dare to oppose me after my victory!” he vowed excitedly giving you a shaky smile, his eyes already showing his hopes and dreams for after the fight. 

“But what if you don’t win this fight?” you asked frantically, deadly worried for him, his shoulder briefly collapsed as if he was hurt that you didn’t have faith in his fighting skills. “My love, you are an excellent fighter but Maximus too...”

“I will win.” he cut you off, determined, he wasn’t going to stop, you only saw one last thing that could make him change his mind.

“You are going to be a father”  you confessed, it felt like the world, the noise around you had disappeared. You felt like your heart was going to explode, you had wanted to tell him in a better moment, probably one night in bed, securely in his arms but you wanted to save him. You looked at your lover in the eyes, waiting for a reaction, a word, a touch...the truth is that he was close to be under an  emotional shock,  he opened and closed his mouth several times, his eyes got wet until tears escaped, rolling down his cheeks; he  collapse d on his knees in front of you, his arms  coming  around your hips, grabbing the fabric of your dress, his head  was a gains t your belly, tears wetting your tunic. Your arms came around his head, you buried your fingers in his hair as he started to  kiss your belly tenderly, you released a breath you had been holding, relieved he was taking this news very well, you didn’t even remembered why you feared in the first place.

“May you be protected by the gods…thank you so much.” h e sobbed, kissing your belly one last time, h e g ot back up , drying his tears with the back of his hand, he leaned in and  kisse d you with devotion . As you separated, he rested his forehead against yours,  stroking your cheek with his thumb.

“But that won’t change my mind. We will celebrate this wonderful event after the fight.” he declared gravely; a smile formed on his lips, it had been a while since he had smiled this way, caring and admirative  “I won´t  die Y/N  because now I have  one more reasons to come back alive” he breathed with emotion, tears were running down your cheeks as he kissed you hard, he was going to fight for you, the only one that truly ever loved him; you put all the love you had for him in it, giving him courage, until his warm hands let go of your face and he turned to leave towards the arena.

“Cheer for me my love, for this is going to be an epic battle!” he said louder over his shoulder as his steps guided him farther from you.

You were sobbing, you couldn’t make him change his mind... so you will be there for him, watch him fight and pray for his fate. You rushed back to the imperial box. Lucilla and Lucius watching you curiously, they didn’t know what was about to happen, you hold your hands together trying to hide their shaking as the beginning of the game was announced, people were throwing petals of rose onto the floor of the arena. The center finally lifted, bearing the fighters, Commodus and Maximus hidden behind the shields of the Pretorians, until they dispersed, revealing to the romans, the unique fight that was about to start. The people cheered as Commodus saluted them, you hold your breath as Maximus launched the first hit under the excitement of the crowd. Commodus was easily blocking the attacks and responded with fast and great blows, making the gladiator step back. The sound of the swords colliding against each other was unbearable, you wanted this to stop. 

You jumped out of your seat when Maximus made Commodus fall and aimed right at his head, thankfully your lover rolled to the side and avoided the hit, quickly getting back up. Maximus was getting tired, letting Commodus hit him until he managed to block his attack catching his arm, cutting it open and making him drop his sword. You gasped, putting your hands on your mouth, he was losing...Commodus asked for a sword from his soldiers but the general ordered that no one gives it to him, you understood it was to respect the rules of the fight but now, as you watched your lover in this bad situation you couldn’t care less about the rules and made a mental note to deal with the general afterwards.

However, Maximus seemed in a really bad shape too, looks like Commodus had hit him too. He dropped his sword, and reach out, you frowned, he seemed disconnected of the world. Commodus surprised you, he had a dagger hidden in his forearm protection, hope surged in your chest, he could win! But the gladiator blocked each blow and even counterattacked bare hands, heavily punching your lover in the face, several times; you could see blood coming out of the wound on his arm and from his face too, you wanted to run in the arena and protect him. He launched another attack but Maximus catch his wounded arm, the other hand pushing the one holding the dagger in the direction of your lover’s face, slowly, no, he had to do something! Commodus powerlessly punched him, but the gladiator had the advantage, until the dagger plunged in his shoulder, or his neck? You screamed his name in despair.

The crowd had gone silent, holding their breath for the final moments of the fight. You watched Commodus body fall down in the dirt after the blow from Maximus. He had been wounded, maybe even deadly wounded, you stopped breathing, and your heart was racing at if it was going to explode. 

He didn’t move, staying still in the dirt “ _Commodus please no, don´t leave me_ …”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Did Commodus survive? what will happen to you and your baby?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay last chapter I'm so excited to share it with you and also really sad cause I love this story and Commodus so much!!!

He looked at the sky, the Sun was brighter than he thought, almost blinding him…Maximus had aimed well, but it will not be enough to kill him, he had to survive, for you…and his baby…he still couldn´t believe it, his own flesh and blood…speaking of which...he could feel blood slowly coming out of his wound, thick, warm, damping his hair, tainting his white clothes crimson red…the arena was silent, as if they were shocked he had fallen…he was simply resting, catching his breath…he felt a bit tired now…he wanted to close his eyes and sleep...he managed to turn his head to look at you from afar, so beautiful, pure and…afraid, why were you crying? He wanted you in his arms, dry your tears...he would do anything to feel your skin against his right now...suddenly, he felt strength coming back to his body, as if the gods had wept and gave him their strength to finish the fight so he could have you in his arms once again. He clenched his jaw, as he pushed himself back up, gritting his teeth at the pain in his neck, blood coming in his mouth, his armor felt heavy on his shoulders, he felt slightly dizzy but that won´t stop him, no one will push him away from you, not now that he was finally happy and loved...he finally saw Maximus, he was limping, on the verge of collapsing. 

Slowly Commodus, took one step after another, his eyes never leaving his enemy, until he was finally before him, he wanted this to be other with, without a second thought he pushed his blade into the gladiator´s flesh, he approached his face closer to the man´s.

“Go. Find your wife and son Maximus…” he murmured to the man, all traces of hatred gone to be replaced by respect, Maximus had almost won against the Emperor. The man heavily collapsed on the floor, his eyes closing as he took his last breath.

He was dead, for good now. And Commodus had won, finally showing who he was, the legitimate Emperor of Rome…he lifted his left arm in the air, yes, he was still standing, and the people started to applaud, timidly at first, then Commodus heard people screaming “Commodus the invincible!”, he couldn’t help but smile at this nickname, the crowd was now roaring, calling his name, they loved him in the end. 

Suddenly, from the corner of his eyes, he saw one of the entrances to the battleground open, a silhouette running towards him, his vision was blurry, he squinted his eyes to distinguish who was coming towards him in such hurry; until he recognized you, tears of relief and happiness started to run down his cheeks, he gathered all the strength he had left to walk in your direction and finally heavily collapsed in your arms. 

“I got you, it’s going be okay, you’re going be okay” you assured him and to yourself at the same time, there was so much blood; tears were running down your cheeks too, you wished his armor wasn´t on him anymore so you could feel his heartbeat, be sure he was alive, he was panting against your collarbone, his blood staining your dress; but you couldn´t care less, right know your priority was to get Commodus out of the bloody sand of the arena. 

“Commodus, my love, you have to keep going.” y ou told him encouragingly, gently slapping his cheek to keep him conscious, y ou didn´t want him to lose more blood by crossing the arena, but the senators who doubted him were  still  watching , like vultures around a wounded animal, if he crosses the arena without falling  unconscious he will have earned their respect...as cruel as it was...

He took a few ragged breaths, trying to find strength to lift his head from your shoulder, he gave you a trembling smile, his eyes foggy, at least he was  still  responding to your calls, that was a good sign. You moved to the side to pass an arm around his waist and put his other hand on your shoulder to support him, one by one he weakly moved his feet under your encouragements, the crowd cheered louder, they were seeing him as demi-god now. The pretorians , even the General  saluted him as he walked. Falco and others senators who supported Commodus had entered in the arena to congratulate their emperor.

“Y/N... the Empress will...be in command as I recover...”  he ordered  as you arrived close to them, some of them looked briefly surprised but then bowed they head respectfully. There were a few meters left until he was away from the look of the People.

“You can do it love, we’re almost there.” you encouraged him once again, tightening your grip around  his waist  as you felt him stumble. When you finally arrived backstage, Commodus ’s legs gave way, he collapse d on the floor, physicians were instantly around him to look at his bleeding wound.

“I won Y/N. ..d -do you...think father would have  been proud?” he asked you with teary eyes and a boyish face as he seized your hand, you knelt next to him, kissing his knuckles fondly.

“He would have been proud of your bravery and proud that you kept your promise to come back to me.” you answered with worried smile, tears in yours eyes; all he ever wanted was to be loved by his own family.

“Good...good...” he repeated feeling relief wash over him. His eyelids felt heavy, his eyes started to flutter until they closed, the grip of his hand on yours disappearing.

“Commodus? Commodus!” you panicked as he laid still, no he couldn’t, not now! one of the physicians quickly went to check his pulse. 

“He’s alive but he needs care, we need to stitch his wound fast, as soon as we reach the palace... ”

“No do it here.” you objected urgently. 

“But... ”

“That’s an order, the crowd is gathered outside, we will take too much time to reach the palace.” you interrupted him harshly, there was no time to lose. 

“Very well, my queen.” Answered the physician as he bowed his head respectfully. You didn’t want to let go of your lover’s hand but the doctors needed space to take care of him properly, they took off his armor and opened his shirt, fully revealing the extent of the wound, there was a lot of blood, part of his shirt was soaked in it. You were in shock, your eyes never leaving his bloodied body, how could a human lose so much blood. Lucius came to stand by your side, worried by his uncle state, as for Lucilla, she barely looked at her brother and went in the arena, probably to go see Maximus dead body, you clenched your jaw, she dared to show openly she cares more about a gladiator rather than the Emperor himself. 

“Bring me tepid water and vinegar!” the doctor ordered to a guard nearby, who in return ran to get it in the gladiator's sick room; he quickly came back, giving it to the physician; as he cleaned the wound which was deep in his collarbone, he realized it hadn’t stop bleeding, he looked at the other physician who got up asking for the dagger of the general, who had joined you. You frowned, what did he want to do?! The General looked at you waiting for an answer.

“The wound is bleeding too much, we have to cauterize it!” explained the man urgently, you quickly nodded as you understood, embarrassed that you had briefly thought about such thing. The physician heated the blade in the flames of a lighting fire; soon, the blade became bright red, you winced when you imagined the pain Commodus was going to go through, the doctor took it, approached the Emperor’s body, he lowered down the blade on his skin, generating smoke and the smell of burned flesh, you put your hands on your mouth at this horrible smell, and it worsened, the pain was so intense that Commodus came back to consciousness, screaming, the other physician was holding him so he would hurt himself as he struggled to break free from the pain, Lucius grabbed your waist, burying his head in your dress under the shock, you covered his ears with your hands trying to lessen the sounds of the screams of his uncle; you wanted to run in his arms and appease him but it was for his own good, if he wanted to get through the night. 

As the doctor took off the blade, Commodus’s head collapsed in exhaustion, sweat on his forehead, he was panting exhausted, until he went unconscious once again.

As they made sure bleeding had been stopped, Commodus could be brought back to the imperial palace, the people had  assembled along the avenue leading to the palace, chanting his name, what a shame he had to go fight in the arena to be respected...as you arrived at the palace, the doctors still had to stitch the other wound on his arm and prepare medicine to help in his recovery; despite the fact that they encouraged you not to watch this and go rest, you stayed by his side, you won’t leave him, not until you were sure he will be out of danger.

“He is stabilized, there shouldn’t be any complication.” you sighed in relief at those words “however he will need a lot of rest and good care, he has lost an important amount of blood” recommended the physician as he dried his hands on a piece of cloth. You offered them a good amount of gold to thank them for their excellent work, now the physicians of the palace will watch over him. Commodus was placed in your common bedroom, probably the place where he would be the safest and the more at peace to heal. 

You gently sat down on the mattress, afraid that any movement could hurt him or awake him in his very needed sleep. You had asked a servant to bring you a bowl of water and a clean cloth which you damped and gently applied on your husband sweaty forehead, you couldn’t help but be worried for him, it wasn’t a peaceful sleep, he was slightly frowning, in pain, it was as if even sleeping was difficult for his mind and body. Quietly, you moved to the other side of the bed, and lied down, underneath the sheets, fully facing him, you scooted closer to him until your forehead was brushing against his arm, very gently you placed a feather like kiss on his burning hot and freshly stitched wound, your hand went down to caress his forearm, until you reached his hand and entwined your fingers with his. You hoped he could feel you, feel that he was not alone, not abandoned, you will always be by his side until the end.

You didn’t sleep much that night, you always tried to stay awake to make sure he was alright, that he was still breathing. And he did, but he didn’t wake up, it was probably normal, due to his exhaustion but deep down you couldn’t help but think that he might never wake up, it’s something that could happen right? You shook your head chasing away those negative thoughts, the fatigue was probably responsible for this state of mind. You dressed yourself up but didn’t leave the bedroom, something could happen to him while you're gone; but then a servant knocked at your door, you invited them in, he was accompanied by Falco.

“Forgive me for disturbing your vigil my Queen...” he apologized inclining his head. “I am coming on behalf of the Senate to inquire on the state of our Emperor.” he added formerly. You touched your lover's forehead with the back of your hand, it was cool.

“He doesn’t have fever; and he didn’t get any complication, it is a good sign...but he didn’t wake up yet...” you explained on a sad tone blinking away the tears forming in your eyes.

“He is a strong man, he showed it to the entire Empire yesterday...” he said in a way to reassure you, you pinched your lips together, thanking him with a small worried smile. 

“I am also coming for a second reason...the Emperor has given you full command of the Empire, the Senate is requesting your presence, while Commodus is recovering, the Empire has to continue living in order and peacefully.”

“I understand.” you nodded, remembering Commodus order, you suddenly realized what he said and felt pressure build in your chest, you were going to rule the Empire, all by yourself, well there was the Senate but still, it was a great responsibility. So, you asked to your most trusted men to watch over the Emperor; as you started to leave the bedroom, from the corner of your eyes you noticed the small form of Lucius behind a column. Soften by his sudden shyness you smiled at him, he came out of his hide and came to stand in front of you, looking in the direction of the bed where was laying Commodus.

“How is my uncle?” he asked you  worried; you caressed his head comfortingly.

“He is still sleeping, he needs a lot of rest.” you answered softly, the young boy lowered his head in disappointment, he was worried and he wanted talk about this epic fight with him 

“I promise you; you will be the first one to know when he wakes up.” you added, his head shot up and he genuinely smiled “you can stay by his side if you want.” you offered, he happily walked to the bedroom, standing next to his uncle. You smiled, he really loved him like a father. You left for the Senate relieved to have another person to look after Commodus and who care about his well-being.

The session with the Senate was surprisingly calmer than you expected, most of the senators were friendly to you and open for dialogue. Thankfully for you, you only had to deal with daily tasks, there was no Empire matter for now, and you appreciated the input of the Senate, it is true that they tend to speak and debate for hours, simply opposing their view on matters, and that was the problem, now that you had heard their point of view, you thanked them for their input and decided what to do. 

“What about the speaker for the assembly? since senator Gracchus betrayed the Empire, we don’t have any.” asked a senator, supporte d by the voices of his colleagues, they were probably expecting to have Falco, chosen, after all he had been quite close to Commodus since he started. However, to appease the Senate, it was better to give them the choice.

“Well, dear senators, I leave you this decision, vote, and I and Commodus shall respect the voice of the Senate.” you declared, and you were right, they were pleasantly surprised, it will take a few days to elect a speaker; you decided to take your leave, you had to write a letter to tell your parents you were expecting, and then you had another matter to take care of...Lucilla. 

Speaking of which, you found her in front of the imperial bedroom, she wasn’t authorized to get close to Commodus, not until you talked to her. When she noticed you, you motioned for her to follow you for a walk.

“How is Commodus?” she asked, you scoffed ‘ _ as if she cared about his well-being.’ _

_ “ _ Don’t tell me you’re worried for him now. You conspired with Gaius and Gracchus...” you retorted, not even looking at her.

“It was for the good of Empire and... ”

“Oh yeah? And what good is that?! He did nothing wrong but quicken the process of decision for the Empire...and he’s your brother! If you had supported him, he wouldn’t have ended up in the arena, you wanted him to be killed out of cold blood!” you snapped letting out  your anger.

“He killed my father and Maximus’s family!” she hissed in response, ‘ _ touché _ ’ you thought.

“Oh, I know about that...what has happened cannot be changed Lucilla and. .. I understand why he did it...except perhaps for the gladiator’s family...” you recognized honestly.

“Then you know, he is not a sane man!” you shook your head with a sad smile.

“Before we arrived in Rome, I remembered a loving sister, who would do anything for her little brother. Lucilla, please listen to me when I say that he is changing, with me he is going better, he only wanted to be loved and make his father proud...please I don’t want to lose you, you’re my friend...” you begged her, taking her hands in yours, hoping she would feel your sincerity, despite your anger for her the past weeks, you still remembered her kindness, she stayed silent for a few seconds, until a strangled cry escaped her lips, then tears ran down her cheeks.

“Come here.” you spoke as you took her in your arms, caressing her hair, she was torn apart as you had reminded her the  affection she used to have for her brother.

You stayed with her until she calmed down, you had managed to convince her to give him a chance, otherwise you had promised to convince him to exile her and Lucius, where she would live away from him. 

You left her to go back to Commodus, you approached his bed, his sleepy breathing was steady, as if he was only sleeping, peacefully, you found yourself smiling, you were eager for him to wake up and be in his arms, kissing and giggling just like before. As you arrived at the bed you noticed a form curled up next to your husband, it was Lucius, he was sleeping, you smiled, it made you think about the little being growing inside your belly, made with love, Commodus will be such a good father you knew it, and Lucius will be happy to share his life with another child. You asked a servant to get Lucilla to pick up her son, then, you sat down next to the boy, gently nudging his shoulder to wake him up.

“Is it morning already?” he asked groggily as he opened his eyes, you chuckled pushing away the strands of hair he had on his eyes.

“No but you stole my place in the bed.” you joked; he released a playful smile, until it faded to be replaced by a more serious expression. 

“Why does my mom and uncle hate each other now? ”

“They...don’t hate each other, deep down I believe they care about each other, it’s just... ”

“Is because of the gladiator? ”

“Partly yes.” you admitted, still he was too young to fully understand the truth.

“I liked him, he was a great warrior but uncle is even stronger, and he is my family...I was  sc. ..I prayed he would win against the gladiator, because  family is the most important and Rome needs its Emperor.”

“Exactly.” you replied tenderly caressing his cheek, you heard Lucilla’s steps coming closer, she helped Lucius up.

“Sorry...” she apologized, quickly laying her eyes on her for the first time since the fight, a hint of worry seemed to flash through her eyes.

“Don’t worry, he simply cares a lot about Commodus and I appreciate someone caring for him while I’m away.” you responded patting the head of Lucius, she wished you goodnight, and you finally went to bed, snuggled against your lover, your hand on his belly, lulled by his calm breathing.

The next day you offered to organize some honorific funerals for Maximus, Lucilla was very thankful to you for that and Lucius too; after all he was a great gladiator and former general, he deserved some respect.  Part of the people who had seen the fight saluted his body as it came out of the arena, paying respect to him and then going back to their occupation. You didn’t go, Lucilla was the representative of the imperial family.

And you were busy with the Senate and as you worked with them days after days, you were convinced that Commodus needed to keep the Senate but simply use it differently, you hoped that he will accept to hear you on this matter. You missed him so much, his voice, his touch, you could only hope he would wake up soon...

“I am pleased to announce you that our wheat stocks are full again, it should be able to cover 2 years of bad harvesting if it were to happen.” you announced to the senators, they clapped pleased that it had finally been resolved.

“We will honor the Emperor for this excellent news and you too my queen.”

“Oh thank you I...” 

“He’s awake!” interrupted you the voice of Lucius, he was out of breath, he had run to get you, your  heart stopped at this news.

“The Senate can handle the rest of the matters for today, my queen.” said Falco, you didn’t need to hear it twice and ran alongside with Lucius to the bedroom, he was finally awake! You finally reached the bedroom, almost feeling apprehensive. You came next to him you climbed on the bed, kneeling at your sleeping place, his eyes met yours, they were tired but alive, he seemed so relieved to finally see you, you felt your heart flutter, you would have thrown your arms him if he wasn’t wounded in the neck, you felt your eyes going wet, your hand came up to caress his cheek. Your other hand took the cup of water you had asked for and brought it to you lover’s lips, lifting his head with your other hand to help him drink.

“You’re here” he stated his voice still hoarse with the sleep he had.

“Of course .”

“I thought... ” he started but then quickly got back to himself “ I can’t think straight without you.” he clarified, seizing your hand, planting millions of fervent kisses on your skin, gods you had missed his touch so much.

“I’ve noticed...” you teased him trying to lighten the mood, but then you couldn’t resist against your true emotions, your smile faded, tears threatening to fall.

“I thought I lost you” you let out, tears rolling down your cheeks, you laid your head on his torso, careful not to touch his healing wounds, you closed your eyes listening to his heartbeat, yes he was alive, his heart was really beating, you felt him move his left arm, ignoring the pain to wrap it around your body, so you could snuggle closer to him now, brushing your cheek against his. 

“I’m sorry.”  he apologized, his voice quavering, tears starting to run down his face too  “gods Y/N I’m sorry, I’m sorry...” he repeated over and over as he cried in your neck, desperately grabbing the fabric of your dress.  You had been so terrified for him, your happiness could have vanished and who knows what would have happened to you and your baby; now he had realized what terrible thing he had done, he could have lost you, forever...

You stayed in each other arms for hours, any other need was secondary now, your cries calmed down to be replaced by silence, enjoying the other’s peaceful breathing, exchanging some sweet and gentle kisses from moment to moment, staring at his gorgeous green eyes that were full of adoration for you.

“Will you sing something for me?” he murmured hopefully after a while, you smiled in response, and started to sing softly in his ear, it was only for him to hear, it was a lullaby your mother used to sing for you when you had trouble sleeping, Commodus sighed in serenity nuzzling against your cheek, his arm hugging you tighter as he was overwhelmed by your voice; he quickly fell back asleep, exhausted, he still needed to recover, you didn’t move, even if this position wasn’t the most comfortable for you, you wanted to stay wrapped in his arms the whole night, you felt like it was the only way to protect him from the others and from himself...

“Hey don’t do that you’ll hurt yourself” you scolded him as he tried to get out of bed.

The next  days weren’t easy for Commodus, he had been authorized by the physicians to sit in bed but nothing more, and it was becoming unbearable to him, he was simply bored when you left to accomplish the imperial duties. He had realized how precious and unique his time was with you, he wanted to spend all his time by your side now that he was loved and respected by the people. Thankfully his nephew spent a lot of time with him, talking about his fight or playing board games with him, it distracted him while waiting for you; Lucilla still didn’t dare to talk to him, especially when you weren’t there, who knows how he will react. 

That is when you decided to take care of the matter, Commodus was simply ignoring her existence, but you knew that inside he was truly heartbroken, you had to do something.

“I think you should give her a chance to redeem herself.” you advised him, soothingly stroking his palm with your thumb, he sighed, angry tears in his eyes.

“Why?” 

“I talked with her and I believe she never realized how much you were suffering...I’m not sure she will ever forgive you for what you did but you can try and if it doesn’t work out then she will be exiled.” you suggested.

“Why not kill her? That's what we do to traitors...”

“Think about the consequences! Lucius would be heartbroken if his uncle killed his mother and you can be sure he will become a bigger problem than Maximus ever was.” you insinuated, Lucius is, unless you give birth to a boy, the legitimate heir to the throne of Rome. 

“I don’t want to lose him...” muttered your lover looking at his hands, Lucius was like a son to him. So, he finally accepted to talk to his sister, you stayed as she came in, you wanted to make sure things would go well. And it went quite well, they were distant to each other at first until the conversation evolved into an argument but at least they were honest in what they said to each other until it died down. To your surprise, Lucilla came to sit on the edge of the bed, next to her brother, she took his hand, he finally looked at her in the eyes, his eyes wet as he was starting to hope he would get his sister back, the one who would teach him lessons, be there for him when he needed. You hid your smile at this scene, maybe you will be a complete happy family after all.

Still, since the fight in the  Coliseum , Commodus had even more nightmares than before, and those were violent. You were woken up by him jerking awake, panting.

“Love what’s wrong?” you asked him, you felt yourself becoming quite awake looking around in case there was someone, but no, he had another nightmare. Slowly you rest your hand on his, he jumped at the contact, probably thinking he was still in his nightmare but the moment he turned his head and met your eyes who were shinning under the glow of the small lamps in the room, he burst into tears, ignoring the pain of his wounds he grabbed you into his arms, burying his head in the crook of your neck, his tears wetting your skin, you caressed the back of his head, reassuring him by whispering tender words into his ear. As he started to calm down, he told you about his nightmare.

“I was in the arena...he had wounded me the same...” he sniffled, tightening his arms around you “but I died...they left me laying in the sand, alone...even Lucilla and... you...didn’t even look at me, you cried for Maximus...” he sobbed, tears coming back.

“Oh Commodus...” was the only thing you could say as you closed your eyes, planting a kiss on his collarbone, you didn’t tell him but you were having similar nightmares since the fight, you understood how terrible it felt, how many times you had woken up in the middle of the night, your hand searching for him and when relieved that he was there, you would place your ear against his torso listening to his steady heartbeat, you often cried as silently as you could, you didn’t want him to feel even more guilty than he already was...

Of course, the following morning, you were sure he wouldn’t let you go away from his arms; he had stayed in your embrace the whole night, and when the morning came, he hadn’t moved. To be honest you didn’t want to move either, and since he woke up, the need to feel him, make love to him was growing inside of you. So, you decided you wouldn’t leave without doing something this morning, and it could only make him feel better; teasingly you started to plant kisses along his jaw, nibbling his earlobe, then you went to tease the sensitive skin of his neck, you smirked as you felt him wake up, his hand went to caress your back, he hummed please to be waken up this way.

As you kissed his collarbone, your hand went under his tunic to caress his belly, you felt his breathing starting to increase, he let out a needy moan to your great pleasure. He couldn’t engage in any kind of physical activity but you could pleasure him in this way, you wanted him to feel desired, that there was only him you would ever taste....

Your fingers went to play with his now hard nipples, then you slowly went down on his body and placed yourself between his legs, he lifted his head to look at what you were about to do, his eyes were clouded with desire, and the vision of you between his legs hardened his member. You lifted his tunic to plant kisses on his lower belly, then his hips until you were stopped by the underwear where your lover was now feeling compressed, you took off his underwear to let out his erection, you looked at Commodus in the eyes as you took it in your mouth, he threw his head back on the pillow at the sensation, letting out  an aching grunt. 

He moaned as you licked the bottom of his length, then his fingers buried deep in your hair as you tongue lick its length to the top to capture him in your mouth once again.

“Y/N... Y/N...” he begged in an aching tone. You were going to give him satisfaction, playing will be for another day, you increased the speed of your mouth on his shaft, your tongue expertly licking the tip while your hand moved up and down around his length. You felt him ark as the orgasm reached him, his seed filled your mouth, tasting like salty honey, you licked your lips and went back up trailing gentle kisses on his body before capturing his mouth in a tender kiss.

“Love you.” you breathed against his lips, he was still panting, he happy sight left his lips, then you straighten up to leave the bed and attend your duties but before you could, he catches you by the arm, making you fall back on him, this time he took the lead, deeply kissing you as if he was still starved for your touch.

“Stay” he pleaded against your mouth with a  desperate tone. 

“You know I can’t but I’ll be back as soon as it is finished...” you promised, giving him one last peck on his mouth. 

However, you had more work than planned with the Senate and as you got back you had to talk to him about a less pleasant subject. Fun will have to wait later,  unfortunately ...

“No.”

“Commodus at least listen to my arguments...”

“Why are suddenly fond of the Senate? Did Lucilla do this?! Or was it a senator?” he accused, watching you warily.

“Of course not! Listen I have been assuming your duties for several days now and it made me realize what a colossal task it was...every single moment I wished I was by your side rather than in the Senate or in you study and you know I enjoy politics but this...it’s too much.” you explained, hoping he would believe you, he sighted,  shaking his head in defeat.

“What do you propose then? Give full power to them?” he asked in a tired tone, looking at you in the eyes, it was as if he was hurt by your suggestion.

“Of course not! Don’t be silly! I’m talking about restructuring the duties of the Senate, I think you should leave to them the daily tasks and you could still take those decisions but you don’t have to, all the time I mean; you would have full authority over bigger matters, it would give you a bit of time to breath, no one can handle the whole Empire on its sole shoulders and think about the advantages, the people will still like you, they won’t make the difference between the Senate and you and it will allow us to spend more time together.” you explained truthfully resting your hand on his. 

“I would exclusively handle the matters of the Empire, trade, wars, peace...” he thought, looking ahead of  him, deeply thinking, it seemed your idea was starting to make sense in his mind.

“Exactly.”

“I would be recognized for that...and I will be in your arms, watching over you and our child” he finally seemed to realize the benefits of giving up a small part of his power. He turned his head to look at you in the eyes, his hand seizing your chin, the pressure was firm, making you remember the danger he sometimes bared in his mind.

“Kiss me” he whispered hoarsely, his eyes possessive, determined. So, you leaned closer to him, placing your lips on his, you could feel tension radiate off of him, his kiss was authoritative, demanding, he wanted to feel in control, so for once you let him do as he pleased, fully taking possession of your body, still he never hurt you and made sure you were feeling pleasure, pleasure that only him made you fee.

The next days he was finally authorized to leave his bed and resume to his duties, he was truly impatient, he wanted to see how Rome was going, what did the Senate think of him now that he had won? what else could he do to increase the empire’s reach and glory? Although, he didn’t feel the same urgency as before, and it was probably because all of his enemies had fallen, and maybe because he had other things to care about now, you and the child you bared each day was becoming is top priority.

So of course, it felt strange to you, when you didn’t see him the whole day, especially after watching over him for days and nights. Fortunately for you, you could spend time with Lucilla again, you were glad she had accepted to give Commodus a second chance.

You caressed your belly that was slowly was starting to extend to make room for your child, a smile formed on your lips, it felt surreal.

“How do you feel?” she asked you affectionately, serving you a cup to drink.

“Good, really good actually, a bit dizzy sometimes, nothing I can´t handle...I hope everything will go well.” you replied, your head full of questions.

“It will, you are a strong woman and you will be surrounded by the best midwives of Rome, you will deliver a beautiful and healthy baby” she tried to reassure you, resting her hand on yours.

“I will honor Devera and Lucina to have their protection” you decided, you will go as soon as you can to pray.

“And I will too, you’ll see the moment you will lay your eyes on your child; gods I remember with Lucius, it was as if the world around me had disappeared, it was just him and me. My husband would sometimes get jealous at the attention Lucius was getting!” you laughed at her comment, imaging a similar scene with Commodus.

She briefly looked past behind you, you frowned but then thought she had simply been distracted by someone, a servant passing by. Until you jumped as you felt arms close around your waist, you instantly relaxed as you recognized your husband scent as he planted a kiss on your bare shoulder.

“I´ll leave you two to it” teased Lucilla as she playfully grinned at you. You made a face like ‘ _ what is she thinking!? _ ’ She silently chuckled then, left to give you  intimacy . 

“I missed you.” Commodus breathed against your ear, his voice sending shivers down your spine, his hands went to caressed the small bump on your belly.

“I missed you too, a lot.” you replied, closing your eyes as you enjoyed his warmth surrounding you, you stayed in his embrace until he gently spun you around to make you look at him, he had a boyish grin on his face.

“I have a surprise for you.” he  announced as he slides his hands around your hips 

“Really?” you asked excitedly, you put your arms around his neck, caressing the back of his head, he briefly closed his eyes at the sensation, it always made him melt. 

“Yes, you deserve it” he praised, reopening his eyes to look at you.

“What do you mean? I didn´t do anything special” you asked intrigued at his words.

“You did many things that I will cherish until my last breath...you love me when I thought I never will be loved...” he started; his voice charged with emotion “you made me fall for you, which I admit is not something easy to do” he joked, you giggled “you supported me through so many ordeals, and now you have this child growing inside of you, I never dreamt of such beautiful gift.”

“Our child, I wouldn´t have it if you didn´t help” you teased winking at him, he chuckled tenderly looking at you, gently he cupped your face, and placed his lips on your forehead to giving one of those extremely affectionate kisses of which he had the secret.

“Come, we are going out.” he took a dark cape and put it on his head, he didn’t want to be recognized, and he gave you one too, tonight it will be just the two of you, anonymous in the streets of Rome and no one else to disturb, still you noticed Commodus carried his sword around at his hip, just in case. 

You came out of the palace, saluting the guards as you did so, at the bottom of the stairs was waiting a young man, probably a young legionnaire in training, he was holding the rein of two vigorous stallions. It had been a while since you had ridden a horse, since you left Gallia actually, it’s something you always deeply enjoyed, become one with the animal and gallop freely in the fields was unique.

“Thank  you young man, here is for you” said Commodus as he handed two golden coins to the man who seemed happier than ever to be  payed so well. You went to face the horse, approaching your hand from his muzzle and resting your hand on it, caressing his head up to his forelock.

“Oh, and we’ll take just this one.” added your husband as he took the rein of the stallion you had been petting. You looked at him surprised.

“What? You thought I was going to let you ride a wild animal in this condition?  Tsktsktsk out of question.” he explained, you hid a smirk, he was becoming so protective of you. You went to stand in front of the side of the horse, putting your hands on his back; as for Commodus, he bended to take your left leg and help you up, you finally settled on the animal, you watched as the young man came to help him up. 

“Are you sure you can ride a horse with...” you gestured to the wound on his neck. 

“Yes, it’s much less painful now.” he climbed on the horse, and secured you between his arms, your back resting against his torso, you felt his warm breath caressing the skin of your neck.

“Ready?” he asked, you turned your head to look at him.

“Ready for wha-!” you screamed as he gave a sharp heel kick making the horse instantly gallop, you grabbed the hair of the beautiful animal, laughing openly at the speed you had reached, the swaying motion, the fresh air hitting your face, Commodus was laughing too, he felt free, it was music to your ears, you didn’t hear him laugh this much since those days after your first night together.

The streets were full of life tonight but Commodus took the calmer streets to avoid hitting someone with the horse at full speed for several minutes, until you reach a green area, in the middle of Rome, it was the  first time you were seeing this place, it looked so peaceful.

“The temple of  Vejovis is in there and it’s a beautiful area to walk...” commented Commodus as he had slowed down the horse, when you had entered the park of the temple, the both of you got off the horse and started to walk towards the temple. The area was magnificent, nature all around a pond was right in front of the temple, you felt Commodus fingers brush against yours, almost timidly as if he was asking the permission to take your hand, so you turned your head to look at him in the eyes and smiled, his eyes lighten up as if he couldn’t believe you still loved him, he locked his fingers with yours, sighting happily. 

The both of you entered the temple, it was lit by several lamps, a statue of Vejovis was in the middle of the structure, surrounded by offerings, you went to kneel in front of the statue, Commodus took a few steps to stop in front of the altar.

“Be well, revered Vesta, Goddess of the flame, may you look favorably upon this rite.” he first said as he ignited the fame of a lamp at the feet of the statue.

“Divine Janus, may you be well, may you look favorably upon me, may this oil find favor with you.” Commodus took out a small vial of what you assumed to be oil, he had been hiding it under his cape, he put it on the offering's altar, 

He took a step back to kneel next you, his hands resting on his  thighs , opened and turned towards the sky, he lowered his head and closed his eyes.

“Noble Vejovis, God of healing, I pray to you, may you look kindly on me. I express to you my gratitude for saving my life, guiding me in my healing process and giving me a chance to be happy and loved and accomplish my duties. I ask your grace and favor that you might protect Y/N, my wife as she bares life in her womb, a good health for her to be in my arms for many years and safe delivery of our baby is all I ask...May you know the sincerity of my request by this wine that I offer, may it find favor with you.” he got back up a placed the wine vial on the altar, then saluted the statue respectfully.

“I am grateful for your hearing and I shall cherish every moment you have granted me.” he finished, he turned to face you, helping you to get back up. You were moved by his  words; you cupped his jaw.

“Thank you.” you expressed, he tenderly looked at you as he placed a kiss on the inside of your wrist. 

The both of you continued to walk outside hands in hands, enjoying the silence and peace of the place, you stopped at the bank of the pond, taking off your sandals, you put your feet in the fresh water, Commodus lied down, his head resting on your lap, one foot in the water, he looked at peace as he watched the stars shinning in the sky, your fingers went to lightly trace the contours of his face, his eyebrows, his cheekbones, his smooth and soft cheeks you enjoyed to caress so much, the bridge of his nose, the small scar on his upper lip that made him unique...and his lips, those gorgeous lips that loved your body, he was beautiful and you loved him, so much that it hurt, so much that you were willing to accept the darkest aspects of his mind...

“Something’s troubling you.” stated Commodus, your eyes met his, you had been so absorbed by your thoughts that you didn’t realize he had caught you. You knew there was no point in lying to him, you just didn’t want to ruin the moment.

“I’m not sure we should talk about this right now.” a slight worried frown formed on his face instantly. He straightened up, his head leaving your lap.

“Are you alright? Is it the baby?” he asked frantically scanning your face and body for any sign of pain, the fact that he instantly thought about the two of you made your heart ache at was about to follow.

“No, we’re fine...” he sighs in relief “I was just thinking...about something Maximus told me...” upon hearing the name of the man he killed, he thought he would never his name again, his face grew cold, his face eyeing you warily, if you didn’t know him better you would think he was furious at you, but in fact he was terrified, what were you about to tell him?

“He...told me what you did to his wife and son.” you finally revealed, he froze, it seemed he had stopped breathing, your heart was beating fast, you didn’t know how he would react; he swallowed down, his eyes wet. He avoided your gaze, ashamed and feeling terrible he never told you...

“What didn’t you tell me?” you asked as gently as you could, you had felt hurt that he had hid this from you.

“I guess...I don’t know...” he articulated, he looked lost in his thoughts.

“Why would you order such a terrible act? They were innocents...”

“I don’t know!” he raised his voice, stressed out, he quickly met your eyes feeling bad for shouting at you; he blinked away a few tears, he was breathing fast, panicked. 

“Hey, hey look at me.” you urged as you took his face between your hands, he finally looked at you in the eyes, helpless.

“There is no excuse for what I did, I just...did it because my pride was hurt, I murdered innocent people Y/N” he finally confessed, it was a terrible thing to admit, but nothing can be changed anymore.

“And there’s nothing you can do about it but recognize what you did...” you erased a tear with your thumb, then you brought his face closer to yours to kiss him, a desperate moan escaped his lips, you wanted him to be reassured, you still loved him, and nothing will change that. He separated from you, his hands on your shoulders, looking at you in the eyes.

“How can you still love me?” he asked you desperately.

“I don’t know...but I do and I always will Commodus, as long as you love me in return and are a good, fair Emperor.”

“I promise I will never disappoint you ever again” he swore on a pleading  tone, you smiled at his sincere oath.

“While we’re at it anything else you want me to know of?”

“Huh...I love you?” he tried, his brow wrinkling, he had a really cute expression right now, like a child who had just been scolded, wanting to be forgiven and loved, and in return you couldn’t resist, you gave him a quick peck on the tip of his nose.

“Love you too honey...sorry, I didn’t mean to ruin the surprise you made me, it makes me so happy!” you apologized; he released a chuckle.

“No, it’s...it’s my fault. I’m actually glad we are honest with one another...and the night is not over after all, we have all the time to make it up...”

“You don’t have work to do tonight?” you wondered surprised

“Well, it can wait one night” he responded to your great joy as he captured your lips once more, laying you down on the grass to show you how much you meant to him and how insignificant he would become if he lost you. 

When you couldn’t hide your belly anymore announcing a nice and steady pregnancy, after several weeks more; you and Commodus decided to announce the news to Rome well the news will spread across the city after announcing it to the senators and some nobles who had been invited for the occasion, a great feast had been prepared, nobody knew for now the reason for this celebration, they were talking, laughing and eating. 

“The People will talk about this fight for centuries!” exclaimed a noble excitedly, lifting his cup in the air to honor the Emperor who nodded at him in return. It is true that the fight had generated an excitement among the people that had never been seen before, now your lover was called ‘ Commodus the invincible’; some people even compared him to Hercules and represented him on vase or other pieces of arts as such, and Commodus heart swelled at so much love from the people. 

You looked at Commodus in the eyes, he grinned excited, it was time to announce them, he got up of his seat, the room going quite as they waited for his speech. 

“Senators and dear citizens of Rome. I invited you today for a very special occasion, one that it is very dear to my heart.” he turned his head to meet your eyes, they were full of tenderness. 

“Y/N my love, the Empress of Rome is expecting a child...” the people present started to applaud but Commodus stopped them doing so, silencing them with a gesture of his hand, he wasn’t finished.

“The gods have blessed us as they are giving us a child made with pure love and possibly an heir to guide and protect the Roman Empire...” his eyes never left yours as he spoke, he extended his hand to you, inviting you up, next to him. 

“When I became Emperor, my life was nothing but full of darkness, anger...and tears...but you entered my life, and you became the light in my darkness …" he swallowed down as his emotions rushed inside of him, tears coming into his eyes, he protectively puts his hand on your belly, discretely your thumb stroked his palm reciprocating his feelings. 

“You made me a man, you brought me your clear-sight, you forgave me my sins and you loved me unlike any other...and for that my entire existence will never be enough to express to you how grateful I am...my Empress.” he finished bowing to you with infinite respect. 

As Commodus finished his speech, the guest applauded and cheered to this news, even if Lucilla knew she discretely erased a tear rolling down her cheek, the speech of her brother had truly moved her. As for Lucius he had never paid attention to your belly before or maybe he had just thought you had gotten fat, so he was beyond excited when he heard the news, it’s like he was going to have a little brother or a sister he could spend time with! 

Several months passed and brought you closer to the day when you will be delivering, Commodus wounds healed faster than expected and he recovered his full capacity to train and fight as before. However, each day Commodus was getting more protective of you, to the point that he wouldn’t let you do anything, he would be constantly by your side, which worried you, it reminded you of that time where he wasn’t going well and had ended up in the sand of the Colosseum. 

“Commodus what are you doing?” you questioned him dumbs trucked as you watched him take pieces of food from your plate, he continued to chew the piece of food he had stolen from you.

“What?” he articulated mouthful; he didn’t understand what bothered you.

“Well why are you taking food from my plate?” you insisted

“I have to make sure it’s not poisoned in case our taster is compromised too.” he replied on a casual tone, you blinked a few times not sure you had heard well.

“So... you have someone tasting my food...and you are tasting it too in case the taster wants to kill me...” he swallowed down at your tone, like a child being caught doing bad things.

“Well...”

“Commodus you can’t do that, you...” you took a deep breath to calm yourself, getting mad at him won’t do any good “you are getting paranoid again, don’t you remember what happened last time?” you finished on a gentler tone, resting your hand on his.

“Oh...” he seemed to realize the behavior he had “but what if...I don’t want to lose you and our baby...” he worried, distress in his eyes.

“Everything will go well brother; the people and the whole Empire love you and Y/N, the risk of having someone attempting your lives has never been so low” tried to reassure Lucilla

“And I will protect you!” exclaimed bravely Lucius, lifting his fist in the air, making you release an amused smile.

“Still...” he replied, he didn’t really want to stop.

And he didn’t, he remained overprotective afterwards which often led to you getting mad or crying, apparently it was something pregnant women often had, extreme mood swings. And Commodus would feel terrible for making you feel this way, thankfully Lucilla was always there, she would take him away to let you breathe or encourage him to comfort you.

And things weren’t so bad after all, he was also very affectionate...

“So, how’s our little one today?” he cooed as he propped himself in the bed next to you, caressing you belly, you chuckled at how cute it was, for the past weeks he had taken the habit to talk to your womb. Often you would strip into your underwear to let him kiss the bare skin of your belly.

“Oh love! put your face against my belly it is moving!” you exclaimed in joy as you felt your baby wiggle in your womb, Commodus rested his cheek on your belly and started to laugh in joy as he felt the kicks of your baby, your fingers went to play with his hair as you watched his amazed face, as if the baby knew of his worries and by moving, was telling their father “see dad I’m alive and well and I will meet you soon!”, a happy tear rolled the cheek of your lover.

“Do you think it’s a boy or a girl?” he asked excitedly, moving his head to rest his chin on your belly and look at you.

“I don’t know, in any case I will be the happiest mother in the whole empire. Do you have a preference?”

“A boy would give me an heir and I would teach him many things but a girl with your beauty and intelligence would be a blessing too...” he replied his mind imagining of what it would look like.

“I guess we will know soon enough...” you grinned; Commodus peppered your belly with sweet kisses. 

Another thing with your pregnancy is that you felt all different kinds of desires at any time of the day, sometimes you just wanted to eat a very specific kind of food, and the need was so strong that you would wake up your husband in the middle of the night, sleepily he would go to a servant and ask them to bring what you desired, and he would even stay awake, keeping you company until you get back to sleep. He also spoiled you in every way possible, you couldn’t believe how he would do all these things for you, the biggest surprise he had for you was probably when he announced you that he had made your parents come to Rome and as he told you this a messenger had informed him that they would be arriving the very same day and stay until you delivered the baby, your heart had swelled in your chest, it had been almost two years since you had last saw them, so when they arrived, you had ran and jumped in their arms, well you couldn't hug them as close as you wanted too because of your belly but at least they were there. They were relieved that your new life was going well and that you were happy, your mother had been dead worried when she had seen you leave in a poor emotional state, she had feared Commodus was to be a terrible husband that he would even hurt you; well the first weeks with him were...terrifying to be honest but as you had learned to understand each other, despite ups and downs it had become a wonderful and deep relationship. 

“Thank you” you told him as you encircled your arms around his body. 

“Anything for you” he purred against your lips; he finally closed the space between the two of you, as the kiss deepened your tongue entered his mouth, caressing his, his hands went to take off your dress.

“Commodus, what...”

“Let me make you feel good” he breathed against the shell of your ear, you bit your lip at the feeling of his lips against your sensitive skin, it had been so much time since the two of you had shared such intimacy...

One of his hand traveled to down to your body until it reached your underwear, his fingers slipped under the clothe to caress your spot, you gasped, realizing how much you had missed his contact.

“You’re already so ready for me...” he trailed kisses down your body and as he arrived at the level of your hips, slowly he slid the piece of cloth along your legs, his lips brushing against the skin of your thighs until he arrived between your legs and hungrily kissed your spot, and gods you didn’t know how he had gotten so skilled with his  tongue; he did those slow up and down movements that  made you gasp in anticipation.

“Does that feel good my queen?” he asked you between licks, making sure you were enjoying all of it, your answer was a needy whimper because his mouth had left your body, he chuckled please at your response, and started again still taking his time and it was driving you crazy, this slow yet so pleasurable rhythm, you needed more, your hands found his head and grabbed his hair, encouraging him to go further in his work. Finally, he placed his lips over your most sensitive area, and gently started sucking it, you closed your eyes, pinching your lips together. Then, his tongue ran along your lips in a way that made you shiver and gasp once more. One of his hands came up and parted your lips, allowing his tongue to reach your sensitive, swollen nub again. His tongue increased its pace, making you shudder and cry out in short, shocked bursts. As he flicked his tongue along you, you felt each wave of pleasure as it brought you closer and closer to the edge.

“Co-...Commodus I need you...in me...” you managed to articulate 

“At your service my love...” he smiled making you laugh, you watched him strip down with hungry eyes, his athletic body was such an enjoyable sight and actually liked his scars, he went on top of you however there was a slight problem...your belly was a bit too big and prevented your lover from pleasuring you. 

“Okay let’s try another position...I’m going to lay on my side and you go behind me.” you turned on your side, he settled behind you, his torso was against your back, and you could his hardness against your bottom, he left a couple of kisses on your shoulder as he moved one of your legs to better access your entrance, he groaned against the crook of your neck as he entered you, you wiggled your hips impatient for him to continue.

“Comfortable?” he asked you while kissing the skin of your neck and sliding his arm around your chest.

“Very.” you purred, he hummed in satisfaction while starting his thrusts slowly at first then he got faster and faster, cries of pleasure escaping your mouth until you felt yourself reach climax, he continued to pound into you until he joined you in a long contented moan. The both of you were panting, struggling to catch your breath, this had been so intense due to the months of abstinence, he rested his damp forehead against your shoulder blade, placing lazy and tender kisses from time to time. 

When he finally managed to recover, he moved out of you, making your body tremble in overstimulation, then you turned to face him, entwining your legs with his, you wrapped your arms around his waist to bring him as close to you as you could. His eyes closed, he protectively kissed your forehead, brushing the back of your hands against your cheek, you wore a happy smile. After a bit, he slowly reopened his eyes to bore into yours, his orbs were full of adoration.

“Do you think I’ll be a good father?” he  murmured; he was smiling but there was uncertainty in his voice.

“You already are for Rome and Lucius; I don’t see why that would change; you are the most passionate and affectionate man I have ever known; our baby will be blessed to have you as a father...”

“Our baby...” he beamed, his eyes  shining with happiness. 

“Yes, our baby” you repeated on the same, tenderly kissing his lips. 

And it didn’t take much time for the baby to arrive. Barely a few weeks after, it started as you were enjoying a walk in the gardens with Lucilla and her son. You had decided to take some fresh air, as you didn’t feel at your best today, you had been feeling more cramps than usual and it wouldn’t go away, so you thought that a little bit of exercise could help ease the pain, but it didn’t really change anything, you tried to listen to Lucilla’s words but you were distracted by the more frequent shots of pain you felt...

“Y/N are you feeling unwell?” asked you Lucilla slightly worried as she saw your expression of mixed worry and pain. 

“I don’t know I... ah!” you gasped suddenly feeling like a pop in your belly and then some sort of liquid coming out, along your legs, what was happening? You looked at Lucilla helpless and terrified, however her face remained calm.

“Lucius go call for the midwives and then run to get your uncle.” she instructed him calmly, then she took your arm, guiding you to the inside of the palace.

“Don’t worry Y/N you’re going to be fine; this is all normal, the same thing happened to me.” she reassured you with an encouraging smile.

“Oh yeah?” 

“Yes, it means the baby is going to come out today.”

“Today!?” you suddenly felt anxious, no you weren’t ready, what if something bad happened during labor or...

“Y/N just relax, everything will go well, women have done this for centuries, your body is prepared for this.” she calmly assured you.

Thankfully the bedroom was close to the gardens, Lucilla and the midwives helped you to lie down on the bed, they kept telling you to relax and breath but it was hard, you were afraid and where was Commodus? Just as you thought about him you heard someone running approaching, then he was here right in front of you, he threw his crown on the nightstand, relief instantly filled your whole being by his presence. 

“Sire, you should wait outside until the childbirth is finished...” started a midwife.

“No, I will stay here with her.” he cut her off, on a tone without appeal, he wanted to be here for you and nothing will make him go away. He sat on the mattress next to you, taking your hand and kissing it fondly, his other arm rested above your head, his thumb stroking your temple. Lucilla squeezed your hand, she had to leave space for the midwives and had to reassure Lucius who was waiting behind the door. 

The midwives lifted your dress up and took off your underwear, you squeezed hard your husband’s hand as the pain was getting stronger. The midwives finally asked you to push, it was the worst pain you had ever felt, you couldn’t help but let out screams of pain, which terrified Commodus.

“What is happening? Why is she in so much pain? Make it stop!” he panicked at your state, he feared to lose you, he had impregnated you and now you were suffering because of him; they quickly told him it was normal and that every women went through this, it didn’t ease his mind though, all he could do was to be here for you, hoping you would survive. You closed your eyes trying to slow down your breathing and push as hard as you could, you could feel the pressure increase at your entrance.

“We are starting to see the head, continue to push” instructed one of the midwives who was waiting between your legs to help you getting out the child. So, you took a deep breath and pushed, again and again.

“You are doing great my love, keep going.” Encouraged Commodus against your ear while kissing your forehead, you clenched your teeth as you felt the head come out, the midwife could finally grab the baby by the shoulders and help to get out the rest of the body, you kept pushing until the baby was out, you head collapsed on the pillow, you were panting, exhausted. Until you heard cries, baby cries, your baby was alive, you felt  energy come back to your body, you wanted to see your baby.

“Congratulations, it is a girl.” praised the woman as she finally brought your baby into your arms, you couldn’t believe it was really happening.

“You did it, you were wonderful.” kept saying Commodus his voice trembling with emotion, happy tears started to run down your cheeks as you laid your eyes upon your little girl, all wrapped up in a warm cloth, she had such a beautiful face. Commodus, next to you was silent, absorbed by the sight he had in front of his eyes, all of this it seemed so surreal. 

“Here,  hold your daughter.” you encouraged him as you gently handed the baby to her father.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to do something b-…" he started but his fears got away as he carefully took the baby in his arms, she seemed so small in his arms, he watched her amazed at the being he hold. You smiled soften by this beautiful scene, he had only eyes for her now. After a bit, Commodus scooted closer to you, fully laying down on the bed next you, and as if you weren’t happy enough, the baby opened his eyes, laying her eyes upon her parents for the first time, Commodus mouth went agape, happy tears forming in his eyes.

“She has your eyes.” you commented as you caressed her cheek with your index. The two of you admired her for several minutes maybe more, it was as if time had frozen. He gave her back to you so you could start breastfeeding her. 

“What should we name her?” you asked him softly.

“You are the one who carried her, you deserve to take this decision.” he replied with a charming smile.

“What about Julia?” you suggested, a noble and powerful name. 

“Julia it is then.” approved Commodus looking adoringly at the both of you.

“I´m sorry if you wanted a boy” you finally said, even though he had expressed some indifference you knew that having a male heir was extremely important for an Emperor.

“No, no, she´s perfect” he objected covering your face with kisses, relieved that he was fulfilled.

“And we can have another baby, a boy this time, I wouldn´t mind to have kids running around the palace, it would make less dark and sad don´t you think?” he added on a joyful tone.

You raised an eyebrow; you were exhausted so if you could wait before having another one...Commodus seemed to read your mind.

“After you rest of course! When you´ll be ready” you openly laughed at the face he made. Of course, you would be happy to have another child from him. He rested his forehead against yours as the baby had finished eating, covering your naked body with a sheet so you wouldn’t feel cold.

At this moment, you heard Lucilla come in followed by Lucius and your parents. She was truly moved by the event; it was also the first time she was seeing her brother filled with happiness and nothing else in mind.

Lucius was behind Lucilla watching the little baby in your arms with curiosity. You exchanged a look with Commodus.

“Lucius, do you want to hold your niece?” asked Commodus, inviting his nephew to come closer, gently he placed the baby in Lucius arms. 

“Here, put your arm like that to hold her head.” he instructed to the young boy, who seemed equally amazed by your baby.

“We will play together when she will be big enough and can I also teach her to fight? And  horse riding?” he eagerly asked, looking at you for your approval.

“We will have to wait a bit of time for that!” laughed Commodus, you joined him, Lucius was already feeling a sense of responsibility for her, you were excited to them growing together and play together.

In the coming hour, the whole city of Rome had been informed of the news, you could hear the noise of the people gathered outside, they wanted to see the imperial baby. When you felt ready to stand up, you dressed yourself nicely with the help of your husband, he put back his crown on his head.

As you approached the balcony, Commodus by your side, and your little Julia in your arms, you could feel the excitement of the people, the Senate had made a corridor to salute you on your way to the balcony, Lucilla, Lucius and your parents were following you closely. The sun was still bright, it was a beautiful day; the moment you and the Emperor appeared at the balcony, the cheers and screams joy of the crowd increased, you had never felt such energy, an endless mass of people were in front of your eyes, calling the name of the Emperor and yours, you managed to release a smile moved by their love. You turned to look at your lover and gently handed him your baby; making sure he was correctly supporting her head he lightly lifted her in the air to show the people who roared and applauded to congratulate you. Commodus, brought her back safely to his chest, lovingly kissing her forehead before handing her back to you.

“You know what this means?” he asked you as he tilted his head towards to crowd, you grinned proudly as you understood. 

“The world will be ours” you answered, a bright future was ahead. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is the end, thank you so much for reading this story and I cannot believe how much love and positive comments I got for it, it’s truly amazing and I am honestly really sad because I want to write so much more with Commodus, so if you`d like something with him fire away and I'll write a separate OS! Also, I considered sticking to the movie and kill Commodus that would have been so angsty but then I was like `I have such lovely readers I´m not going to do that to them ´so yeah you´re lucky ;-)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, comments and kudos will be greatly appreciated ;)


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